


Dark Horse

by My_Trex_has_fleas



Series: Land and Sea [17]
Category: Poldark - All Media Types, Return to Treasure Island (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Established Relationship, M/M, Threats of Violence, polo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-04-24 13:55:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4922119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Trex_has_fleas/pseuds/My_Trex_has_fleas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the prize for Pyxis 142 from the Summer Fandom Raffle Exchange. The prompt was Jim angst, but it seems to have exploded into angst everywhere! Also, lots and lots of horses XD</p><p>This takes place after the upcoming fic The Storm and current fic Playing House. Jim has come back from deployment and he and Ross have moved in together. Ross is back playing polo for his regiment. It will be part of the Land and Sea series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spnhell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spnhell/gifts).



Ross tugged on the girth and felt Bathsheba blow out her stomach in a vain attempt to prevent him from doing it up too tightly. He gave her a sharp smack in the flank and she let the breath out, allowing him to tug hard and do up the girth the extra notches that would hold the saddle tightly in place. Bathsheba swung her head sharply in retaliation and aimed a bite at him and Ross had to smack her muzzle.

‘Enough of that, you.’ he said and she snorted as if to say ‘What?’ in an indignant tone. Ross chuckled and went to her head, one hand rubbing flat between her large dark eyes, smoothing the white star that stood out against her pitch black coat.

********

She had been a surprise, another one of Maggie’s little ways of giving him something and also pissing his parents off at the same time. He had been blown away when he’d gone to her estate with the sole intention of taking Felicity out for a good run and checking she was fit before having her moved to the barracks stables which were based in Dorset. It would be far more convenient to have her there for matches and practice. They’d had lunch and then she’d taken his arm.

‘Let’s go see your girls.’ she’d said. Ross hadn’t really paid attention to the slip up, until they got the stables and he’d seen Maggie’s groom standing in the courtyard with a beautiful black mare. He’d looked at Maggie astounded. She had cackled like mad.

‘Happy Birthday.’ she’d said.

‘I know you’re not so senile that you’ve forgotten that my birthday’s only next month.’ he’d replied and she’d given him a prod in the ribs.

‘Enough of your cheek, young man.’ she’d said. ‘You need two ponies if you’re going to play properly, and while Felicity is a gem she’s also getting on a bit.’

‘She’s only ten.’ Ross had said. ‘And she’s been having an extended holiday. And you’ve just given me money for the cottage. I can’t take her.’

‘Nonsense. Besides if you don’t take her, she’s for the knackers.’ Maggie had replied. ‘I bought her off Bill Pelham’s boy for an absolute song. Apparently she’s ‘unrideable’.’ She smiled at him. ‘But then I thought that would make her perfect for you. God knows you’ve never met a horse you couldn’t ride. Besides the Pelham boy is an absolute nitwit and Bathsheba is far too intelligent to put up with a rider like that.’

‘Bathsheba?’ Ross had asked. ‘As in the biblical adulteress?’ He looked at the mare, noting her beautiful lines and finely sculpted head. ‘Anglo Arab?’

‘Yes.’ Maggie had said. ‘Now stop smiling like an idiot and go say hello.

***********

Bathsheba had turned out to be the devil incarnate and the most natural polo pony Ross had ever ridden. She was fearless on the field, quick and nimble and turning on a penny. She also had a soft mouth, lightning pace and the most fearsome temper he had ever come across. She was, in short, wonderful. If you could get past the biting that was, and the deliberate standing on toes.

But in the previous two months, with nothing to do but work and worry frantically about Jim, Bathsheba had been the best possible distraction. Long nights alone had been mitigated by training. The barracks field had floodlights and Ross had had an almighty need to be out of the house, too keyed up to sleep and not wanting Holmewood and Carter to be woken by him clattering around. So that’s where he’d gone, riding up and down and knocking balls around until he was exhausted enough to collapse into bed without thinking about Jim too much. And on the nights when he couldn’t or those nights when he’d received one of those short phone calls that turned his life upside down, Ross had simply stayed there sitting in her stable until he dropped off, waking with her warm breath in his face.

‘Poldark.’ A voice jolted him out of his thoughts. ‘You ready?’

‘All done.’ he replied. Unlike some of the other players, Ross liked to tack up his ponies himself and strap their legs. And of course, only the extremely foolhardy would touch Bathsheba. He turned and grinned at Litchfield, their team captain.

Litchfield was in his thirties, a sunburnt man with a big smile and an even bigger laugh. Ross liked him enormously. It was him who had approached Ross in February after he’d permanently joined the training brigade. Ross had been hesitant about playing again. He’d had so many reservations about his fitness and also the baggage that went along with it. But the fact that Jim knew about why he’d stopped playing in the first place and was okay with him doing it again had been the push he needed, and he’d told Ross that he shouldn’t let the past dictate the present to him. That had made a lot of sense. And he needed something to keep him occupied. Training was enjoyable (far more than he’d ever thought it would be) but he did have free time and sitting at home had never really been his style. So he’d taken Litchfield up on his offer.

‘It’s going to be a tough match today.’ Litchfield said. He gave Bathsheba a slap on the neck, ducking back as she bared her teeth at him. ‘Sandhurst is also playing a substitution, the sneaky bastards. Apparently Rowan took a tumble yesterday and dislocated his shoulder.’

‘Shit, that’s bad for him.’ Ross said as he followed Litchfield from the line. He ran a hand over Felicity’s nose as he walked past her where she was staked with the other ponies, unlike Bathsheba who was kept a good distance away to prevent her savaging them. She nickered softly at him.

‘Yeah, it is.’ Litchfield said. ‘No matter. We’ll give them a kicking anyway.’ He grinned at Ross. ‘Besides, you have your lucky charm here.’

‘It’s funny that you think that.’ Ross said. ‘Because his crew is of the same opinion about me.’

‘Are you two all settled in now?’ Litchfield asked. He and Ross’s other teammates had attended the extremely noisy and rather riotous housewarming party he and Jim had thrown the weekend before which had culminated in so many seemingly lifeless bodies the next morning, the cottage had looked like the scene of a battle. Ross smiled as he remembered that they’d found Litchfield and his wife Becca passed out in the garden shed.

‘We are.’ he said. ‘Now I just have to stop bumping my head on that fucking beam.’ They got to the edge of the player’s area and Ross looked across the field to where the players’ families and various brass and other dignitaries were assembled. Somewhere in there were Jim and Verity making small talk and no doubt gossiping like a pair of old women. And while Jim didn’t veer towards camp at all, when it came to gossip he was positively stereotypical. And he and Verity got on like a house on fire.

So it had been only natural for Verity to call Ross and demand that she be allowed to come with because Jim had assured her she’d have no problem catching a cute polo player at the regimental match. And then Jim had pointed out that he wanted someone to talk to while Ross was playing. Which was why she was occupying the spare bedroom of the cottage for the weekend.

‘Well, he’s not in uniform today.’ Ross said. ‘He’s gone civilian.’

‘Well, it’s so bloody hot I don’t blame him.’ Litchfield said. ‘We’ll have to keep an eye on the ponies.’

Ross nodded in agreement. It was hot and he was thankful that the Tank Regiment wore black polo shirts that did not show the sweat.

They joined Carlisle and Edgeware, their other two players. Carlisle was a captain like Ross. She was a tall broad-shouldered Amazon of a woman, strikingly good looking with bright green eyes and white blond hair cut short as a man’s. Edgeware by contrast was small and dapper, seemingly from another time.

‘Bloody bastards.’ he said in perfect cut glass tones. ‘They’ve drafted in a seven.’

‘Fucking hell.’ Litchfield said. ‘Where the hell did they find a seven?’

‘He’s an ex-player of theirs, but he hasn’t been around much. Apparently the wife popped out twins two years back and she made him give it up.’ Carlisle said, blowing the smoke from her cigarette out her nostrils, making her look rather magnificent. ‘I saw her and the brats toddling around earlier. Ross, I think he played when you did actually.’

‘Really?’ Ross said rather absently. He was still scanning the crowd for Jim. ‘Who is it?’

‘His name’s Julian Howard.’ Carlisle said.

**********

Jim dodged through the crowd neatly, the two plastic tumblers of Pims miraculously staying more or less filled as he got to Verity who’d snagged them a couple of seats. She accepted hers and Jim sat down next to her.

‘Explain it to me again.’ he said, frowning as he surveyed the field. ‘Ross tried but I’m still a bit lost.’

‘That’s probably because you don’t know the head end from the arse end.’ Verity giggled. ‘We really do have to get you in the saddle soon.’

‘I don’t think so.’ Jim replied. ‘I ride two things – sea going vessels and your cousin. That’s about it for me.’ Verity’s giggle turned into a full blown laugh at that.

‘Bloody hell.’ She snickered. ‘No wonder Olivia can’t stand you.’

‘Olivia doesn’t even fucking know me.’ Jim said. ‘Trust me, if she got to know me she’d hate me so much more than she does now.’ He gave her a wicked smile. ‘But as far as I’m concerned, I impressed the Poldarks that count.’

‘We’re the only ones in the family that have sense you know.’ Verity said. ‘Well, except for Francis but he’s a lost cause.’

‘Yeah, when am I going to meet this famous brother of yours Vee?’ Jim asked.

‘When he stops fucking around in Cape Town and gets his arse back to the UK.’ Verity said. ‘Now look there. You see that’s the goal right?’

‘I get that bit.’ Jim said. ‘And that they have to score goals by hitting the ball between them.’

‘Well, it’s not so difficult to get from there to the actual gameplay. There are four players on each team. The match is broken into four periods called chukkas which are each seven minutes long.’

‘And that’s when they swap horses?’ Jim said.

‘Ponies.’ Verity corrected. ‘We don’t call them horses.’

‘But I thought ponies were little. Bathsheba’s fucking huge.’ Jim said.

‘She’s only sixteen hands.’ Verity said. ‘Ross has long legs so he needs a tall horse. And Bathsheba suits his riding style extremely well. But yes, they swap and the alternate pony is ridden while the other one rests. Now each player has a role to play on the field. Litchfield is the Number three because he’s the best player.’

‘That’s good right?’ Jim asked and she nodded.

‘Very good.’ She said. ‘Carlisle is next and Edgeware is after them. Ross is the lowest ranked because he’s been out the game for so long, but he used to be absolutely brilliant when he was younger. I wish you could have seen him play then. It’s a real pity he gave it up. I’ll never understand why he did that.’ Jim, who did know, didn’t comment.

‘What about the positions?’ he asked her.

‘Well, as I said, Litchfield’s the Number Three. His job is to feed the ball to the two offensive players who will carry it forward and try to score.’

‘And that’s Carlisle and Ross.’ Jim said.

‘Yes.’ she replied. ‘Edgeware is the Number Four so he’s the main defensive player. He will stay at the back and tackle any oncoming players trying to move the ball towards their goal. Now Carlisle as the next best player is the Two, so she’s going to be responsible for offensive play which means she’ll be backing Ross up and also defending with Litchfield. Ross is the One, so he is the main attacking player, collecting the passes from Two and Three and playing them downfield and trying to score. And that’s a position he’s really good at, it your relationship is any indication.’ She gave Jim a sidelong smirk. ‘Of course every player on the field can switch between offence and defence as needed. Do you understand?’

‘Kind of.’ Jim said. ‘You can explain as we go along.’ Most people were moving along the stands and sitting down which indicated that the match was close to beginning. ‘I watched the last three by myself or with the boys but they’re as clueless as I am.’

‘Consider me your guide in that case.’ Verity said, then was momentarily distracted by a tall soldier walking past. ‘In return for helping me make the acquaintance of some of these yummy gentlemen.’

‘Deal.’ Jim replied.

***********

Ross adjusted the fit of his left kneepad, trying hard not to let the others see how badly his hands were shaking. He straightened up, pulling on his riding gloves and hoping against hope that the Number Three he’d be marking was not going to be Howard. Next to him Carlise was doing up the chin strap of her helmet.

‘His horse is green.’ She said to Ross. ‘He’s the grey gelding Rowan bought last season, but apparently he’s fast as fuck.’ She looked at him. ‘You’ll have to ride him hard.’

‘No worries about that.’ Ross fiddled with his chin strap and she frowned.

‘Are you all right?’ she asked. ‘You seem a little nervy.’

‘I’m fine. I just want to get out there.’ Ross said. He went to Felicity, pulling himself into the saddle and settling in. Felicity was, as usual, the image of calm. Only the flicking of her ears betrayed any excitement. The line boy handed Ross his mallet and Ross gathered up her reins in one hand, giving her a gentle press of the knees to get her going. Felicity was like a Lamborghini, supremely responsive. She’d been the best his parents could afford, which was to say she’d been extremely expensive. She moved with the grace of a ballet dancer, tea cup hooves marking place precisely. Ross leaned forward and ran one hand down her hogged mane and her ears flicked back towards him.

They followed Carlisle out of the line and towards the field. Litchfield was first on his yellow dun mare, Custard, who was as ugly a pony as one could find but blindingly fast and agile. Carlisle was riding Agamemnon, her massive bay gelding who was as intimidating on the field as he was a big softy off of it. Then came Ross with Edgeware and his grey Arab mare, Shakira, behind them. Shakira was like Felicity, delicately built but completely bombproof.

They lined up at the edge of the field for the ride on and waited. Ross tried desperately hard not to look in the direction of the other team, but his eyes caught sight of the grey and the straight backed figure sitting on top of him. The announcer was calling out the match details, but the words were blurred in his ears. Up ahead Litchfield raised his mallet against his shoulder and Ross waited for the call, lifting his own mallet into position.

‘For the Tank Regiment, Major Frederick Litchfield, Captain Cassandra Carlisle, Captain Ross Poldark and Major Luke Edgeware.’ The announcer called and Ross touched his heels to Felicity’s sides and she went from a stand to a canter as he rode out after Litchfield and Carlisle onto the field. They rode out in a straight line to mid-way then moved around in a circle, two left and two right until they were all standing in a line of four. Then as one they turned so they were facing the stands.

‘For Sandhurst Training College, Major Julian Howard, Lieutenant Lucinda Bright, Captain Benjamin Docherty and Major Avery Blake.’ The announcer called and Ross steeled himself, fighting the sickening feeling in his stomach. There would be a ride past the other team to get them and that meant he’d be looking right at Howard for the first time since he’d left his house seven years ago.

_‘You’re not leaving me.’_

_‘You’re not making me stay, Julian. This is wrong. It’s been wrong the whole time. I can’t do it anymore.’_

_‘You didn’t have that much of a conscience when you let me in your bed in the first place.’_

_‘You said that you and her were nothing. That she was a convenience.’_

_‘She is.’_

_‘You said you didn’t fuck her.’ The silence hung between them in the room. Ross could feel the tears threatening and dug his nails into his palm to stop them coming. ‘You said you loved me.’_

_‘I do.’_

_‘Liar.’ Julian’s dark eyes bored into him and Ross ducked his head, knowing that he would be lost if he didn’t leave right at that moment. ‘She’s pregnant. You want to tell me that was just an accident?’_

_‘Ross, things are expected of me. I wouldn’t be any kind of husband of I didn’t keep up my end of the bargain.’ Julian’s voice was soothing and gentle, the same voice he’d used to talk his way into Ross bed that first night. ‘Surely you can see that? It doesn’t mean we can’t be together. I still want you.’ He sounded like he was speaking to a distressed pony and that was when it hit Ross. He was nothing more than something for Julian to play with, a pretty toy to distract him._

_‘I’m done.’ Ross said, and his voice was so close to breaking that it scared him. ‘We’re done.’ He turned and started to walk away but Julian grabbed him by the upper arm. Ross was ashamed to admit that even that touch, which was harsh and unloving, thrilled him right to his bones. He stopped and they looked at each other, eyes locking. It took only a minute and then Julian had him pinned up against the wall, hands on his face and mouth on his._

_Ross fought back against him, his whole body screaming for him to just relent. It would have been so easy to. He knew that if it was just the physical attraction he could have dealt with it, but his heart was in so deep that it physically hurt thinking about what he had to do. But then Julian stepped back from him, and Ross leaned heavily against the wall, pulse racing. He eventually looked up._

_‘I’m going now.’ he said. ‘I don’t ever want to see you or hear from you again.’ Julian gave him a mocking smile and in spite of himself, Ross felt his heart skip a beat._

_‘You’ll be back.’ Julian said, his voice so cold it made Ross feel sick. ‘You’ll never get over me, Ross.’_

Ross dragged himself back to the present and looked ahead of him and caught sight of a flash of bright blond hair. Jim was standing with Verity in the middle of the stand and they were waving at him. He let his eyes fix on the man he loved, a vision in blue jeans and a white cotton shirt. He was too far to see the details of Jim’s face, but he didn’t need to. They were etched on his mind and he felt himself calm at the very thought of Jim being close enough he could see him.

'Ready?' Litchfield's voice came down the line. 'Let's go show those bastards what we can do.'


	2. Meeting Him Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The line up...

‘Why are we waving again?’ Verity said to Jim as they were standing and doing exactly that at Ross, in spite of the annoyed tutting behind them.

‘Just shut and wave, Vee.’ Jim said. Satisfied that Ross now knew exactly where they were sitting, he finally allowed Verity to haul him back down. He turned to the still tutting couple behind him.

‘Sorry.’ he said, giving them a charming dimpled smile. ‘My boyfriend’s playing.’ They gave him a scandalised look, and Jim turned back around chuckling.

‘You are awful.’ Verity laughed.

‘I try.’ Jim said. He looked back out onto the field. Ross was sitting a little straighter now and Jim was mightily pleased to see that. The moment he’d heard Howard’s name, he was filled with trepidation on Ross’ behalf. It had been a long time since Ross had told him about the disastrous relationship they had had. It had taken a couple of weeks to get it all out of him, but Ross had finally divulged everything. A lot of it had made Jim furious, to the point where he’d had to take a long swim to work through it. Several long swims in fact.

Ross had been terrified that Jim was angry with him, but that had never even crossed his mind. He had been livid at what Ross had gone through but he’d been through a lot himself since then. Now he looked at the man that had hurt Ross so badly and felt a cool calculating anger wash over him. He’d learned to keep things under wraps in Nicaragua, two months of using every inch of self-control he possessed and it seemed to have stuck. He gave Howard the once over. Even from this distance, he could see that Howard was clearly in shape, with a tall lean frame and broad shoulders. Not unlike Ross in many respects, actually. He’d never asked Ross what Howard looked like, but he knew that he had to at least pass Ross’ muster. Ross had an eye for attractive men and Jim knew that if what Angelina had said was anything to go by, he was quite the anomaly by Ross’ standards. Not only was he shorter than Ross (who had seemed to like men taller than he was), but Angelina had told him he was also the first blond Ross had ever hooked up with. That made him feel a little special, he had to admit. It also boded well that he was apparently the first boyfriend Ross had had that didn’t look like Howard.

So no, he wasn’t threatened by Howard anymore. He’d learned a lot about himself these last six months, and his self-confidence had only been quietly cemented by what he’d survived. And he knew that Ross was his, without a single doubt. That blindingly gorgeous smile he’d got when he’d walked into the building at Brize Norton had been the first thing he’d seen and then Ross had been right there in front of him, hands on his face and kissing the life out of him.

But it had taken him a month to convince Ross that starting to play again was the right thing to do. Ross had been like a nervous child when he’d told Jim about Litchfield charging into the training office and introducing himself, then not even giving Ross a chance to get a word in edgeways before he dragged him off the pub to meet the other two. And Jim had seen and heard the difference in him once Ross had started practicing with them. He had been giddy with excitement, something Jim had never seen in him before. He had bombarded Jim with pictures of his girls, as he called them, and chattered on non-stop about fixtures and handicaps and plays in a language that didn’t make any sense at all to Jim, but which he was more than grateful to hear because of how obviously happy it made Ross.

And it had had benefits. Jim had been more than a little surprised to see that Ross in his riding gear had a very profound effect on his hormones. And that was before he’d even got on a horse. Once Jim had seen him ride, well…that had resulted in a very quick back stable blowjob and Ross missing two very easy goals in the next chukka. Needless to say, the mid chukka blowjob was banned. It happened to have very little effect on Ross, however, and he’d remained happy and effusive. And Jim knew that the fact that he’d had something to focus on while Jim was in Nicaragua was probably what had kept them both sane.

And Jim would be damned before he let anything wreck this for Ross again. Especially if anything was that bastard who’d broken his boy’s heart.

***********

The umpires rode to the sides of the line and Ross turned Felicity so he was behind Carlisle. Opposite them, the Sandhurst team was also lining up. Ross could feel his stomach churning with nerves, but unlike seven years ago these ones were not at all pleasant. Then Litchfield rode forward and Ross knew it was time to face his demons. Or one demon in particular. Howard was in front as he was captaining the team.

A light touch of his heels, and Felicity trotted forward. Litchfield was shaking hands with Howard now and Ross could see that he had lost none of the arrogant confidence he rode a horse with, long legs squeezing the life out of the grey gelding he was riding. The dark green Sandhurst shirt showed off his broad shoulders, and once upon a time that would have been enough to get Ross’ heart hammering. But now, it left him cold.

Carlisle was next and then Howard was there in front of him. Ross looked at him, noting somewhat dispassionately that Howard looked much the same as he had seven years before, except a little craggier. His dark brown eyes were just as commanding and his mouth was still set in that arrogant line. They locked gazes and Ross was vindicated to see that Howard actually looked a little disconcerted to see him.

‘Ross.’ he said, his voice perfectly neutral. ‘I never thought I’d see you back on a field.’

‘Well, you know what they say. When you fall off, you get right back on the horse.’ Ross replied. ‘It just took me a little while.’ He kept his own voice as steady as he could, even thought he was bridling inside. ‘And I also had someone tell me it was stupid to let something from my past get in the way of my future.’

‘Really?’ Howard said. ‘They sound like a sensible person.’ His eyes were locked onto Ross, and Ross was amazed to find that the penetrating look was having no effect on him at all. It made him want to laugh out loud.

‘You’re right, he is very sensible.’ he replied. There was a soft cough behind them, and Ross shifted in his saddle to see Edgeware looking at him pointedly. He turned back to Howard and held out his hand. Howard took it and his grip wasn’t as sure as Ross remembered. He decided to put the boot in. ‘It’s amazing what the love of a good man will do.’ Then he let go of Howard’s hand, gave Felicity a gentle touch of his heels and rode past him. He shook Blake and Avery’s hands, kicked Felicity into a canter and followed Litchfield and Carlisle to their end of the field. When he got there, they were looking at him. Edgeware rode up behind him.

‘What the fuck did you say to him?’ he asked, looking at Ross with unconcealed curiosity.

‘Who?’ Ross asked, playing ignorant. He knew exactly who Edgware was referring to.

‘What are you talking about, Luke?’ Carlisle asked and Edgeware gave Ross a wolfish grin.

‘Ross just properly put the wind up their captain. He was shaking like a leaf when he got to me.’ he said. Carlisle arched one perfectly shaped blonde eyebrow. She and Litchfield looked at Ross expectantly. He shrugged.

‘Strategic advantage, right?’ he said and they were all grinning now. ‘And it doesn’t hurt to play dirty every now and then.’

‘No it doesn’t.’ Litchfield said.

*********

Up in the stands, Jim had watched the little exchange. He’d also noticed how Howard had turned his head and watched Ross canter away, practically ignoring Edgeware, who was waiting to shake his hand.

‘Good boy.’ he said to himself. ‘You fucking show him.’ Verity looked at him.

‘What’s going on, Jim?’ she asked. Jim grinned at her.

‘Verity, my darling.’ he said. ‘Tonight is going to be very fucking interesting.’


	3. Play the Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things hot up as the match continues...

In the stand Jim’s attention was caught by frantic waving. He looked down at the bottom of the stand and saw Becca and Jay standing and waving at him. Grinning, he waved back and they started climbing into the stand, oblivious to the grumbles from the already seated spectators. They got him and Verity, and the two of them scooted along to make room for the newcomers. 

‘Vee, this is Becca and Jay.’ Jim said. ‘They belong to Freddie and Luke respectively.’ Becca, a woman of Junoesque proportions, was wearing a massive trench coat and carting a cool bag that looked like it held a month’s rations. Her pink and white complexion made her look like a student and she had thick soft brown hair piled on top of her head. Jay, by contrast was as dapper as his husband, a small boned man with soft auburn hair and brown eyes. 

‘Glad we didn’t miss anything.’ he said. ‘Becca had to stop for supplies.’

‘One is always prepared.’ Becca announced and dug into the cool bag, handing them each a plastic cup and then hauling out a massive thermos.

‘Oh Christ.’ Jim said. ‘It’s not your fucking punch is it? That stuff was bubbling by itself the next day.’ He grimaced as Becca unscrewed the top and poured what looked like fruit cocktail into their glasses. 

‘New batch.’ she said with a grin. There was a loud shushing noise behind them and as one, the four of them turned. The older couple was glaring at them.

‘Be quiet and show some decorum.’ the woman said. Becca stood up. Even though she was on the stand below, and barely topped five foot three, she seemed to tower over them.

‘I will talk however much I bloody want to.’ she said and then pointed to the field. ‘My husband is the Number Three.’ Then she pointed at Jay. ‘His husband’s the Number Four.’ Finally she pointed at Jim. ‘And his boyfriend’s the Number One. So unless you want us to chuck you off the stand, I suggest you bloody well shut up yourselves.’ She turned back in an impressive swirl of trench coat and gave the amazed Verity a wink.

Verity looked at Jim who shrugged and grinned.

‘Yes.’ she said. ‘I think I can see why you said this evening is going to be interesting.’ On her other side, Jay and Becca clinked their plastic glasses and cackled.

***********

The first umpire rode into the middle of the field. She checked that both teams were lined up and then dropped the ball. There was a brief and furious contest, during which Carlisle managed to come out with the ball and the match was underway.

She clipped the ball neatly and rode out, Agamemnon moving surprisingly quickly for such a large horse. Ross rode up on her left in support with Bright, the Number 4 for Sandhurst, close on Felicity’s heels. She came in close and Ross gave Felicity a light touch to put her ahead and keep the line. Her sensitive ears went back and forth, and she brought herself up on Carlisle’s left flank. Ross kept the distance and waited for her opposing player to ride in before allowing Felicity to run behind her. Carlisle knew he was there and gave the ball a tap to send it back to him. He was about to play it when a sharp bump from Bright’s pony behind him threw Felicity off the line and the umpire blew her whistle for riding across the line. Ross threw a furious glance over his shoulder at Bright who glared angrily at him. Frowning, he pulled Felicity up short and waited for the other two to come up next to him. At the goal the Sandhurst team gathered to defend as Carlisle went to take the penalty shot. Carlisle, who had an excellent eye, didn’t miss. The score was one-nil, and it was barely two minutes into the first chukka.

That infringement was the first of many. Clearly Sandhurst were not so much playing polo as trying to do damage. Four minutes in they had already had illegal hooking and another two line crossings, not to mention a massive charge from Howard on Litchfield which had knocked him off Custard and resulted in some very choice language. He got up off the field swearing a blue streak, and giving the Number Two an absolutely filthy look.

‘What the fuck are they playing at?’ Carlisle hissed as she rode up next to Ross. Ross had a sneaking suspicion he knew.

‘They’re just trying to rattle us.’ he replied.

It seemed to have worked. Litchfield fluffed the penalty and then both he and Carlisle missed easy shots at goal. To make matters worse, Edgware let Howard through twice. He still rode every bit as well as Ross remembered and scored on both occasions and then a frustrated Litchfield was also cited for hooking on the wrong side and by the end of the chukka, they were three-one down. They rode off the field, all somewhat annoyed with themselves and dismounted at the pony line.

‘For fuck’s sake.’ Litchfield was particularly keyed up after being bumped off. He had landed hard on his right side and now he pulled up his shirt so they could all peer at his ribs. ‘I’m going to be fucking black and blue tomorrow.’

‘They don’t normally play this dirty.’ Edgeware said, stroking his short trimmed moustache in the manner of a silver screen villain. He looked at Ross. ‘You and Howard have some history. 'What’s going on?’

‘He’s always liked to play dirty.’ Ross said darkly. ‘And I think he’s probably trying to prove something.’ Deep down, Ross knew exactly what Howard was doing. He’d used the same tactic before. He’ go in hard and fast in the first two chukkas with borderline legal and some very illegal play to rattle the opposing team, and then clean up in the last two to win. ‘We have to come back at them hard in the next one.’

‘That’s all very well for you to say.’ Litchfield said. ‘But I’m fucking hurting here.’ Ross and Carlisle exchanged looks. He could see from her speculative expression that she was thinking the same thing.

‘You know him.’ she said. ‘You mark him.’ Ross nodded and they looked at Litchfield.

‘And I take Number One?’ he asked.

‘Sounds like a perfectly feasible plan to me.’ Edgeware was grinning. ‘And Howard won’t be able to do much with Bathsheba all over his pony.’ They liked to think that she was their secret weapon.

‘Right.’ Litchfield said. ‘Cass, you play Three and Ross, you play Two.’ He winced as he tried to strip off his shirt and Carlisle helped pull it over his head. Then she stripped off hers and handed it to Ross, making the line boy positively goggle at her impressive chest. Ross stripped his off and handed it to Litchfield before pulling on Carlisle’s shirt. Thankfully she was as broad in the shoulders as he was. They were all tucking them in when the umpire came over.

‘Are you all right to ride?’ she asked Litchfield, looking a little concerned.

‘I’m fine, but we are changing things around a bit.’ he said. The umpire took in the shirt exchange that had taken place.

‘Noted.’ she said. ‘It’s not strictly cricket but after that I am quite happy to give you this one.’ She walked off and there was enough time for a quick drink of water and then they had to mount up again.

Ross went to the end of the line and got Bathsheba. She was noticeably excited, her braided tail swinging almost like a dog’s. Her delicate ears were pricked forward as she looked expectantly towards the field. Ross smiled. If Howard thought he was going to pull that trick again, he would be doing it with the wrong fucking pony.

He mounted up and felt the powerful bunch of Bathsheba’s muscles beneath him. If Felicity was like a Lamborghini, then Bathsheba was like a drag racer. She was all massive power and acceleration but with only one tenth the finesse that Felicity had. But today, she was just what was needed.

‘All right, girl.’ he said and her ears flicked back towards him. ‘Let’s go stick a hoof in someone’s face.’

They rode back out onto the field and Ross cantered past a surprised looking Bright and up to an even more surprised looking Howard. It only took a moment for him to sneer though.

‘So, they’ve sent you in to look after me.’ he said. Ross gave him an icy look.

‘No.’ he said. ‘They’ve sent me in to take you out.’ He was gratified to see Howard’s smirk falter just a little.

‘We’ll see about that.’ Howard said, then he rode his new pony, a large bay, at Bathsheba. It was a classic intimidation tactic. He was obviously expecting Ross to pull her back, and Ross grinned. He clearly hadn’t heard the stories currently circulating through the regimental polo teams from those unfortunate enough to have tried this tactic with his stroppy pony. Bathsheba didn’t disappoint. Her ears went back, flat against her head. Then she bared her teeth and gave an indignant squeal, before squaring up to the bay, wheeling suddenly and lashing out with one hind hoof. Howard went white as her kick narrowly missed his knee and Ross laughed, pulling her head up and fighting her every step of the way.

‘You’d better be careful, Jules.’ he said, knowing the old nickname would rankle Howard badly. ‘Bathsheba’s a total bitch. Much like my boyfriend, I should add.’ Howard’s dark eyes glittered angrily.

‘He’d have to be to take you on.’ he hissed. ‘Christ knows you don’t respond to anything other than being handled.’

‘How’s your wife?’ Ross said, still grinning. He felt nothing but the overwhelming urge to punch Howard in the nose and it was the most wonderful concept. ‘I heard you’ve got three kids now?’ He wrapped his reins around his hand as Bathsheba tried to take a bite out of the bay and hauled her back in. ‘Bet that puts a damper on your extramarital activities.’ There was a flicker of something across Howard’s face and Ross knew in an instant what it was. It was the same fear that he’d seen when he’d seen Howard with his wife at that last match. His eyes shot down the field and then Ross knew. That certainly explained the death glares he’d been receiving. He looked down at where Bright was marking Litchfield. ‘Oh, so you’re fucking girls this year?’ Howard glared at him and pulled the bay back. Ross followed, sticking to him as a strange feeling of elation went through him. He looked over at where Jim and Verity were sitting. This was going to be a lot of fun.

They rode into a knot and the umpire dropped the ball. Bathsheba was all over it, almost daring the other ponies to come near her. Ross hooked it out from under the feet of Blake’s pony and gave it a smart tap to send it down the field. Bathsheba took off, galloping after at as if her life depended on it. Carlisle was off to his right, her blue roan mare Mascara keeping pace. Next to her Avery was trying to muscle in but Carlisle set Mascara’s shoulder to his pony’s and shoved him off the line. Ross didn’t look back. He was aware of Howard coming up next to him and took the initiative, letting Bathsheba take the line and grinning as her ears went flat. She went straight in, setting her shoulder to the bay’s and started shoving like a steamroller. Ross let her go and leaned as far out of the saddle as he could,swinging his mallet once as they thundered down towards the goal. It connected with the ball, an immensely satisfying thwack that sent it bouncing through the posts. 

Ross laughed out loud, the rush taking him just as it did every time he scored. He sat his mallet back against his shoulder and cantered Bathsheba around the back of the goal. Behind him, he heard Carlisle whoop. She pulled Mascara up next to him, high fiving him and laughing.

‘That was bloody brilliant.’ she said. ‘You are a wonderful stroppy bitch.’ This was addressed to Bathsheba. 

The teams changed sides and they convened for a quick briefing.

‘I keep playing hardball with Howard.’ Ross said. ‘I don’t think he was expecting that challenge from me and Bathsheba. But now he knows what she can do, he’ll try and fuck us up.’ he looked at Carlisle. ‘You try and keep the others off me as much as possible.’

‘Done.’ she said. The other two nodded. Then they grinned madly at each other. They rode back to the star and immediately got into it it with the other team. There was an enormous amount of barging going on as the ball was dropped and then Howard was away. Ross wrenched Bathsheba’s head around and gave her an almighty kick. Bathsheba needed no encouragement, and she tore off after Howard. Ross timed it carefully and when Howard started to bring his mallet for the down swing, Ross neatly hooked it and yanked hard. It didn’t bring Howard off, he was far too good a horseman for that, but it was enough for him to be thrown off the line. He attempted a second abortive shot and ended up knocking the ball to Edgeware who was defending the goal. Edgeware accepted it gratefully and clipped it to Litchfield who rode back down the field, keeping the ball just ahead of him with Carlisle in support.

Ross kicked Bathsheba and rode along behind them, standing in his stirrups as they got closer to see where the action was. There was a neat little scuffle happening up ahead, and he was just about to sit down when there was an almighty thump into Bathsheba’s side and she reared in surprise, then squealed angrily and set off a in series of bucks. It caught Ross by surprise and he ended halfway up her neck until she’d calmed down. He looked over her neck to see Howard giving him an arrogant smile as he rode down to join the fray. Furious, Ross got his seat back and headed off after him. He caught up just as Bright was wrestling the ball from Litchfield and Bathsheba almost sat on her haunches as he pulled her to a sudden stop. Unfortunately Bright cleared the ball and tapped it to the waiting Howard. Ross started to follow, but Bright deliberately rode her pony in front of him, blocking his way. Carlisle saw what was happening and took off in hot pursuit after Howard who was riding the ball down to the goal.

‘Fucking get out my fucking way.’ Ross shouted at Bright but she just glared at him and eventually he had to ride Bathsheba around her or knock her off her pony, so he chose the former. A cheer from the Sandhurst side of the field told him that Howard had scored.

By the time they came off, the score was six-four in Sandhurst’s favour and Ross was fuming. Sandhurst were obstructing as much as possible and Howard had knocked in the three goals unimpeded. They had appealed to the umpire but it hadn’t really been anything they could blow Sandhurst up for. 

‘Motherfuckers.’ Litchfield had abandoned his isotonic sports drink in favour of his hip flask of single malt. ‘Right no more Captain nice guy, Ross. Fuck him up.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Ross said. He downed half his bottle of water and then went to mount up. Felicity was antsy, picking up on his own energy and she almost skipped onto the field. The ball got thrown in and Ross took advantage of her nippiness and small size to get in and out before anyone else cottoned onto what was happening. Felicity came along the outside line and Ross tapped the ball hard to send it bouncing forward and then sent her galloping after it. He heard hoof beats behind him and caught a glimpse of Avery over his shoulder, but Avery’s bigger pony couldn’t catch them and Ross gave the ball a smart hit that sent it sailing into the goal.

After that the third chukka descended into chaos fairly quickly. As predicted Howard was trying to get back in control of the chukka and he and Ross got into it several times at the throw in. Carlisle had completely beaten Avery into submission, and she played close to the bone, her ride offs almost but not quite illegal. Docherty was having a torrid time with Litchfield, and they were both in front of Ross now, barging each other as they battled for the ball. Ross had his own hands full. Bright had taken it into her head to ride him off, and he sat back in the saddle and pulled Felicity up smartly then cut in behind her. but as he rode around he went almost smack into Howard on the other side. Howard rode his grey at Felicity and Ross met the challenge head on. They spent several moments with their ponies shoving at each other and then Ross saw that Litchfield had his mallet raised and he swung it in a neat reverse strike that sent the ball racing back towards him. Ross lifted his mallet, neck reining Felicity so she wheeled into the line of the ball and picking it up. He swung the mallet neatly under her neck and sent it dribbling down the field. Edgeware rode up next to him and took it up, allowing Ross to ride out ahead, then clipped the ball along to him. Ross raised his mallet, about to take the strike when Felicity was hit from the wrong side, a strong challenge from the much larger grey gelding. She snorted in surprise and stumbled and Ross, focused on the ball and nothing else, went sailing over her head.

He hit the ground hard, all the air going out of him, and lay there. He could hear the sound of the umpire’s whistle blowing stridently and then the sound of angry words being exchanged. Suddenly a soft chestnut muzzle was in his face, Felicity blowing warm air over him out of her flared nostrils. He reached up with one hand to rub the white blaze between her eyes and took a deep breath then sat up. Happily, there was no pain or pulling but he was still a bit breathless. He reached for Felicity’s reins and then pulled himself to his feet using her as leverage. There was a cheer from the Tank Regiment stand as he brushed himself off and then raised one arm in acknowledgement of the fact that he was okay. 

Felicity stood stock still as he pulled himself back into the saddle, The umpire rode over to him.

‘Are you alright?’ she asked. Ross nodded, throwing a glare at Howard who was in hushed conference with Bright a few metres away.

‘I’m fine.’ he said. ‘I’m assuming that will be a penalty.’

‘It most certainly will.’ she said and blew her whistle.

At the final break they stood at eight all. Ross dismounted and handed Felicity over to the line boy. Just as he’d expected, Jim was there waiting for him with a concerned look on his face. Ross gave him a half-smile as he undid his chinstrap and took off his helmet, running one hand through his sweaty hair.

‘Thought you’d be here.’ he said, accepting the bottle of water Carlisle handed to him with a grin at Jim. ‘That was pretty spectacular, wasn’t it?’ He and Jim locked eyes and Carlisle laughed. 

‘Remember,’ she said cheerfully. ‘You two are banned.’ Jim laughed and shook his head.

‘One blow job and suddenly I’m responsible for all your losses.’ he said to Ross. Then his face turned serious. ‘Are you hurt?’

‘Not badly.’ Ross said. ‘I’m probably going to be a bit black and blue tomorrow.’ He cracked the water and downed half, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. ‘I’m okay, babe. Don’t worry.’

‘I do fucking worry.’ Jim said, frowning. ‘I wanted to run out there and fucking hit him.’ Ross laughed and leaned across the distance, putting one hand on Jim’s face and kissing him on the mouth. 

‘My big scary pirate.’ he said, smiling at him.

‘Oi, you two!’ Litchfield called. ‘Time!’ Ross raised his eyebrows at Jim and Jim raised his back.

‘You better go.’ he said. ‘Go kick his arse.’

‘Oh, I intend to.’ Ross said. He caught Jim around the waist, pulling him to him and kissing him once more before he let him go and went back to the line, putting on his helmet. Jim watched him go and then went back to where he’d left Verity ogling soldiers in the stands. Ross got to Bathsheba. He rubbed one hand over her black velvet nose and she snorted. Her ears were still flicking madly, back and forth. Ross could feel the energy vibrating off of her. Bathsheba hated being left out of play. With Felicity he normally mounted using the stirrup, but Bathsheba wouldn’t brook that at all and would swing around to bite. With her, he simply got hold of the pommel and swung himself up easily onto her back before she could cotton onto what was happening. She still got her head round but by that time he was already up and gave her a flick on the nose. 

‘One more to make it count.’ Litchfield said. He was starting to look a little green and Ross rode up next to him.

‘You all right?’ he asked. Litchfield nodded. 

‘I will be when we beat them.’ he said grimly.

************

Back in the stands, Jim sat down next to Verity again. Becca and Jay were deep in conversation.

‘Is he all right?’ she asked and Jim nodded.

‘Just bruised.’ he said. Verity gave him a shrewd look.

‘There’s something going on.’ she said. Jim gave her a look.

‘Maybe.’ he said. ‘But it’s not my place to tell.’ She huffed and he shrugged. ‘I’m sorry but it’s not. You have to ask Ross.’ They looked back at the field as the players rode out for the last chukka. Ross was out in front and he was standing in his stirrups, fighting Bathsheba every step.

‘She’s raring to go.’ Verity said, clapping her hands together. ‘That wanker that’s marking him, won’t have a chance.’ She gave Jim a sidelong look. ‘I will find out eventually.’

‘Not from me, you won’t.’ Jim replied, his eyes focused on Ross.

**************

On the field Ross and Edgeware were talking. 

‘If you keep them occupied up front, then I can make a move.’ Edgeware said. ‘They’re not going to be expecting me to do that.’

‘Sounds like a good idea.’ Ross was having a devil of a time keeping Bathsheba’s head up. She was in a mood to eat every other pony on the field. She pulled, and he pulled back and her ears went flat against her head. They rode forward for the throw in and Ross got Bathsheba right into the fray. She was tossing her head and the scuffle of riders did not improve her mood as she went to stand over the ball and bared her teeth at anyone that came near. Ross leaned over and knocked it out from under her belly to the waiting Carlisle, who sent it driving down the field with a powerful hit. Ross hung back and saw a flash of confusion on Hoard’s face as he cantered past. Then, just as Carlisle, supported by Litchfield, get to striking distance she reverse hit the ball straight to Ross who turned Bathsheba around and clipped it across the field to Edgeware who had sneakily ridden up of the far side. Edgeware picked it up and galloped down the side of the field, Shakira’s turn of speed easily outpacing Docherty He was surprisingly aggressive on the attack, and as Docherty rode in to challenge he sent Shakira onto the offensive. She was a beautiful little horse, but strong as anything and she gave one mighty heave to send Docherty’s bay right off the line. Edgeware rode across and whacked the ball to send it through the posts. 

The noise from the tank Regiment stand was deafening, and Ross grinned at Litchfield as he rode up. They cantered across to the middle point together.

‘Becca is in attendance.’ he remarked when Ross mentioned the noise. ‘She’s like a one woman cheering squad.’ 

Carlisle gave them a nod across the knot of players, and the umpire dropped the ball. This time Bright managed to clear it and Carlisle was after her like a hawk after a mouse. Ross rode after her in support, Howard on his left side. Carlisle was a strong player and a strong woman, and she wrestled Mascara into Bright’s side, steadily pushing her towards Ross. Ross came up as Bright was about to swing and leaned in tapping the ball back from under them. And of course Litchfield was right behind them. He picked the ball up and chased it back. It happened so quickly that Bright was caught off guard. Ross and Carlisle, who both knew the play was coming, pulled Bathsheba and Mascara back on their hindquarters, wheeling them around to gallop off after him. Litchfield was streaking down the field, Squirrel’s little brown legs carrying him as fast as he could, and he rode around Avery and hit the ball square on. It sailed through and Squirrel threw his head up and down as if to say ‘Take that!’.

The score was now ten-eight with two minutes to go.

The last throw in was chaos, all the mallets down and clicking madly. It sounded a bit like a party in a castanet factory. Bathsheba was sick to the teeth of being shoved and let fly with a backwards kick which was enough to clear space around her for Edgeware to clear the ball and send it out from the side. Unfortunately Howard had managed to get around to him, having figured out their little play. He intercepted it and he was off. Ross gave Bathsheba her head, and she tore off after them. He barely had to guide her, her natural instincts for the game kicking in and she came in right up against Howard’s pony, so close that Ross’ leg was against the bay’s side. Her ears were flat and she steamrolled the bay right off the line. Howard gave no quarter, standing up in his stirrups and trying to yank the bay back into line, leaning so far over he was almost on Bathsheba. Ross set his shoulder and barged back, and the contact between them was hard enough to jostle them both, but Ross was not about to back down and he shoved Howard hard enough that he was almost unseated. Howard shoved back and they spent a few moments fighting each other while still trying to keep the line. It was brutal and Ross’ blood was pounding in his ears as they struggled. 

Then he remembered every sharp word, every bit of emotional blackmail and every time Howard had made him feel like he was worth nothing and a tidal surge of white hot anger went through him. He shouted, wordless and angry and threw Howard off. Howard swung back to the other extreme, almost falling off the side of his bay pony and Ross used the momentum to ride Bathsheba into him even further, completely pushing him off the line and smacking the ball down towards the opposing goal. Then he gave her a mighty kick with his heels and she reared up, fore feet up in the air, and shot off like a bullet. Ross hung on for dear life as she thundered down the field after the ball. Behind him, he could hear the thud of the bay’s hooves as Howard came chasing up after him. Ross leaned forward and over, his knees squeezing the life out of Bathsheba as he stood up in his stirrups and leaned almost halfway down, swinging the mallet as hard as he could. It was still at least fifty yards to the goal post and as the head of the mallet connected with the ball, Ross knew it was a good clean hit. The ball tore away from him, but he kept Bathsheba going, and watched as it tore across the grass and through the posts. 

Ross slowed Bathsheba to a canter, happily slapping her neck as they rode around behind the goal. Carlisle was screaming from the other side of the field and then he heard the whistle that signalled the end of the match and then all three of them were screaming. He rode back towards them, smiling broadly as the realisation they had won started to sink in.

‘Bloody well done!’ Litchfield was smiling from ear to ear. ‘Fucking hell.’ Next to him, Edgware held out one hand and Ross shook it.

‘Good shot.’ Edgeware said, his grey eyes twinkling.

‘I take back everything about you and Jim being banned.’ Carlisle laughed. ‘After getting that goal in, you can have him blow you as much as he wants to between chukkas.’ Ross laughed uproariously at that, and looked at the stand which was a heaving mass of overexcited Tank regiment supporters. He couldn’t spot the tell-tale glint of blond hair and had a suspicion that he knew where Jim was headed. 

Litchfield was getting ready to get them in line to go over and commiserate with the losing team, when they saw that Howard and Bright were already riding off the field.

‘Rude.’ Carlisle said. Avery and Docherty looked extremely embarrassed as they rode to the middle to meet them halfway.

‘Sorry about that.’ Docherty said, shaking Litchfield’s hand. ‘Not our choice, mate.’ 

‘Yeah.’ Avery added. ‘Rowan will be frothing when he hears about that.’ They shook hands with everyone else and rode off to follow their team-mates. Ross looked across to the other side of the field, but Howard and Bright were already behind the horse boxes and hidden from view. He grimaced, remembering how vicious Howard was when they’d lost and felt a momentary stab of sympathy for Bright. He rode Bathsheba off the field and she had her nose in the air and was wagging her braided tail, clearly extremely pleased with herself. 

When he got to the line, their respective partners were assembled. Litchfield was already off Squirrel, snogging Becca with an almost religious fervour. Jay and Jim were watching on, very amused if the expressions on their faces were anything to go by. Ross rode until he was alongside them, lifting his leg over the saddle and sliding off so he was standing in front of Jim, who was watching him with sparkling eyes. 

‘Well, that was very exciting.’ he said with his typical understatement. Ross laughed, stepping into his space and leaning down so he could kiss him. He felt Jim smile against his mouth and put both hands on his backside. When he pulled back he smiled back at Jim, and bumped his nose with his.

‘You really are my lucky charm.’ he said.

‘Right back at you, Captain Poldark.’ Jim replied.


	4. Fighting Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The regimental dinner, and things are not going as planned.

The dinner was scheduled for eight, which meant that there was a three hour window between the end of the polo match and subsequent drinks and the need to be on base and in place for dinner. True to form, Ross was running a little after time.

He stood in front of the bathroom mirror, fighting with his bow tie. Not for the first time, he wished he’d just gone with the pre-tied version but his mother had been appalled when he’d mentioned it. So there he was, trying to figure out for the hundredth time which way it went.

  
‘Ross?’ Jim’s voice came in from their room. ‘Are you ready? We need to leave in the next twenty minutes if we’re going to get there on time.’ Ross frowned and turned as Jim came into the bathroom, putting in his cuff links. His pristine white dress shirt contrasted beautifully with his dark tan and bright blond hair. And, Ross noted, his own perfectly tied bow tie. He had to admit that the fact that Jim was in tropics was giving him the worst case of raging hormones he’d had since he was a teenager. Jim gave him a once over and the grinned at him.

‘You need a hand with that?’ he asked and Ross sighed.

‘I bow to your superior knot tying prowess.’ he said. Jim came over and straightened out the two ends of Ross’ tie, then deftly twisted it and knotted it, flaring out the edges and making sure they were even.

‘There.’ he said. ‘Now move your arse, Captain Poldark.’ He turned and went back into their bedroom and Ross followed him. His mess jacket was hanging up, the scarlet set off by the black lapels with the regimental crest stitched in, and the gold braid at the cuffs showing his rank. Jim had already put his mess jacket on, plain white with brightly polished brass buttons. Unlike Ross’ jacket, Jim wore shoulder boards on his to show his rank. His trousers were plain navy, while Ross’ uniform had the regulation red stripe running down the side. And because it wasn’t a formal regimental dinner with no dignitaries in attendance, Jim was wearing a black cummerbund instead of the more formal waistcoat, and Ross envied that he was shy at least one layer that Ross was required to wear. He shrugged into his jacket, and took a moment to check himself over in the full length mirror behind their door, flicking off a tiny piece of lint from his lapel. He turned back to find Jim standing with his hands in his pockets and smiling at him.

‘What?’ he asked and Jim came over, hands at Ross’ waist and kissed him.

‘Just thinking about the fact that I am going to be on the arm of the best looking soldier there tonight.’ he said and Ross ducked his head, Jim’s compliment making him blush a little. He was a little nervous, truth be told. While he’d already attended several of Jim’s formal functions and was pretty sure that the whole RN knew he was Jim’s boyfriend, tonight would be the first official time Jim was attending a regimental dinner with him, as his partner. It was exhilarating and terrifying in equal measures, but Ross had been waiting for almost a year for this opportunity. He remembered how he’d had the notion that he would like to one day present Jim to the PMC of his regiment with those words. But before this point he’d always been afraid of the reaction. Then he’d seen how Edgeware took Jay with him to the few occasions they had attended as the polo team and that, by and large, the reaction had been positive. And of course there was the fact that gossip spread like wildfire in Bovington and the news that Captain Ross Poldark had moved into a house with his partner, who just so happened to be a man, was now pretty common knowledge. Edgware had actually commented that most people would probably be more scandalised by the fact that Ross had shacked up with the Navy more than anything else.

‘Are you all right?’ Jim’s voice cut through his thoughts. ‘You look like you’re having a very interesting conversation inside your head.’ Ross looked down at him.

‘I’m a little nervous.’ he confessed and Jim reached up and rested the backs of his knuckles against Ross’ cheek.

‘So am I.’ he said. ‘This is kind of a big thing. And I appreciate it enormously.’ His eyes were serious. ‘I know how much this means for you.’

‘Well, it’s been long overdue.’ Ross said, taking Jim’s hand and kissing the palm. ‘I want everyone to know that we’re together and that you belong to me.’ He smiled. ‘That we belong to each other.’

‘Careful, Ross.’ Jim said, but his eyes were now sparkling happily. ‘Your romantic side is showing.’ Ross dropped his hand and kissed him, letting his mouth linger on Jim’s until they were interrupted by Verity calling them from downstairs to tell them the taxi had arrived.

**********

They arrived on time and got out of the taxi, Ross giving Verity his hand to help her. She was beautiful in dove grey, but her long dress required her to wear six inch heels and she was a little tottery. Ross frowned as an obvious flaw in their plan occurred to him. Jim noticed and shook his head.

‘It’s fine, Ross.’ he said. ‘Escort Verity in.’ Verity looked from one to the other and then she realised what he meant.

‘Don’t be silly.’ she said. ‘I can escort myself.’

‘You can’t actually.’ Ross said. He felt a deep sense of disappointment. ‘You’re my guest, and you’re a woman so I have to escort you in.’

‘Bollocks.’ A voice said behind them and they turned to see Carlisle who had just walked up. Like Ross, she was in her scarlet and black jacket but hers was worn over a black ankle length halter neck dress and with black heels that put Verity’s to shame in terms of height. Her white blond hair was perfectly brushed and she wore a slash of lipstick that matched her jacket. She looked utterly magnificent. ‘Verity can come in with me.’ She smiled and offered Verity her arm. ‘Miss Poldark.’

‘Captain Carlisle.’ Verity laughed and took it, casting Ross a look over her shoulder. ‘Sorry Ross, but it seems I have a much better offer.’ Her and Carlisle went over to the door of the Officer’s Mess where the dinner was being held. That left Ross and Jim standing there outside. Ross looked at him. Jim looked back with a raised eyebrow and a flash of dimples. Ross held out his arm.

‘Lieutenant?’ he asked. Jim’s dimples deepened and he took it. Then they went inside. The guard at the entrance checked them off the list and they went into the Mess Hall.

They found Jay and Edgeware already inside. Jay was dapper in his three piece black suit with a scarlet polka dot bow tie to match Edgeware’s jacket. They both had their hair slicked back and looked like a pair of matinee idols.

‘Evening lads.’ Edgeware said with a crooked smile. He had a glass of sherry in his hand, as did Jay. Not for the first time did Ross think that they had somehow stumbled in from the thirties. ‘Good to see you made it. Freddie and Becca are late of course.’ He sipped and Jay laughed.

‘They are incapable of actually being anywhere on time.’ he remarked. ‘They were late for their own wedding.’

‘Really?’ Jim laughed. ‘Christ, that is bad.’

Ross left them to it and went off to the bar to get them drinks. He got there, saying hello to several officers that he knew, including his CO, Lieutenant-Colonel Barrymore.

Barrymore was an impressive looking man, his bald head and sharp blue eyes giving him a hawk-like appearance.

‘Ross.’ he said, offering his hand. Ross winced slightly as he took it. Barrymore and Jim seemed to have gone to the same school of handshaking. ‘It’s good to see you. Well played today.’

‘Thank you sir.’ Ross said. Barrymore was in charge of almost three hundred men, but he knew his officers by name. ‘I wasn’t aware you were in attendance.’

‘I was.’ Barrymore smiled over his glass of red wine. ‘Are you here alone?’

‘No, sir.’ Ross said. ‘My partner is with me.’ He looked in Jim’s direction and Barrymore nodded.

‘Naval man, isn’t he?’ he asked and Ross nodded.

‘Yes sir.’ he replied. ‘He’s a Weapons Officer aboard the Dragon.’

‘Good ship.’ Barrymore said. ‘Well, I look forward to meeting him. Why don’t you bring him over?’

‘Of course, sir.’ Ross said, feeling a little glow inside at the first hurdle being easily jumped. ‘I will.’ He got to the bar and bought their drinks then took Verity’s over to where the little knot was standing. Verity took her gin and tonic from him.

‘Thank you.’ she said. Jim was watching Ross intently.

‘What was that about?’ he asked. Ross smiled and then very deliberately reached for and took his hand.

‘Time for me to get my own back.’ he said with a grin. Jim gave him a bemused look and followed him. They got to where Barrymore was standing with two other senior officers.

‘Sir.’ Ross said and he turned. ‘This is Lieutenant James Hawkins. Jim, this is Lt-Col Barrymore, my immediate CO.’

‘Sir.’ Jim offered his hand and Ross could see a flash of approval cross Barrymore’s face. He was stickler for decorum and Jim’s forthright manner seemed to have got him off on the right foot. The approval became more than a flash when they shook hands. Ross retrieved their drinks and handed Jim his. Barrymore raised his glass at them.

‘Ross tells me you are aboard the Dragon.’ he said.‘I recall meeting Marcus Sellar a few years ago at the Armistice Day parade. The Dragon was in the yards then, I believe.’

‘She was, sir.’ Jim said. ‘You have a good memory.’

‘It helps that we had an argument about coastal defences versus land defences and their various merits.’ Barrymore laughed. ‘He’s man of conviction, your captain.’

‘That he is.’ Jim said. ‘I bet he got quite belligerent.’

‘We both did.’ Barrymore said with a grin. ‘Now, I believe that you and Ross have recently moved down to Kimmeridge?’

‘We have.’ Jim was hitting his stride and Ross relaxed as Jim started telling Barrymore about the house. He needn’t have worried about his naturally charming boyfriend being intimidated by the situation.

Ross sipped his drink and let his eyes rove over the bar’s other occupants. Most of them were people he knew only through passing, but several of them gave him a smile of greeting when they caught his eye. And then he saw them.

Howard and Bright were at the far end of the bar. Ross noticed that they were standing apart from the Sandhurst contingent. And they were staring at him. He stared back and they turned away from him, heads together. Ross felt a twinge of irritation, but that was all and he marvelled at his new-found confidence in the face of what he’d once thought would be the worst thing in the world for him to endure. He turned back to Jim and Barrymore.

‘I’m sorry, sir.’ he said. ‘But would it be alright if I stole Lieutenant Hawkins back from you?’

‘Of course.’ Barrymore said with a smile. ‘It was very nice meeting you, Lieutenant.’

‘Likewise, sir.’ Jim said and allowed Ross to steer him back to the others, noting with a smile the possessive hand now resting at the small of his back. ‘What was that about?’

‘Howard’s here.’ Ross said in a low voice so the others wouldn’t hear. ‘With Bright.’

‘I assumed they would be.’ Jim replied. ‘They were part of the team.’ He looked at Ross intently. ‘Is that going to make you uncomfortable?’

‘Actually, I was just thinking that I don’t feel anything about it at all.’ Ross said, realising as he said the words just how true they were. ‘All I care about is that I’m here with you.’ Then, completely on impulse, he leaned down and gave Jim a light kiss on the mouth. It was quick and completely non-sexual, but the effect it had on Jim was remarkable. It was enough to make Ross laugh out loud.

‘Jesus, are you blushing?’ he asked and Jim ducked his head, looking uncharacteristically shy.

‘Shut up.’ he retorted, but he couldn’t hide how pleased he sounded.

************

They walked in the guests at eight-thirty exactly, and Ross was on a high. He’d been thrilled with how well everyone had reacted to his more-or-less official coming out. No-one had remarked on the fact that he had Jim on his arm at all.

‘You see?’ Edgeware had said to him earlier, while Jim and Jay had been occupied in conversation. ‘Nothing to worry about at all. The Armed Forces have moved with the times, Ross.’ Then he’d winked at him, and gone back to the conversation.

Ross found that they placed the polo teams together when they got to the table. Thankfully, Howard and Bright were a little way down from them, and he had Verity on his left and Jim on his right. Across from him were Avery and another man dressed in Naval Mess uniform. Jim immediately brightened when he saw him and the other man did likewise. He looked a friendly sort with light brown hair and matching eyes.

‘Thank God.’ he said in a pleasant voice that screamed Yorkshire. ‘It looks like I have back-up.’ Avery laughed.

‘Shut up, Blamey.’ he said. ‘You are scaring the civilian’s.’ He smiled at Verity. ‘You must be Ross’ cousin.’

‘I am.’ Verity said.

‘It seems to be a night for cousins.’ he replied. ‘He’s mine.’

‘Captain Andrew Blamey.’ The brown haired man said leaning across the table and offering Verity his hand.

‘Verity Poldark.’ She replied and took it. Ross and Jim exchanged a look.

‘So which den of iniquity are you off of?’ Blamey said to Jim after further introductions had been made and they’d sat down.

‘The Dragon.’ Jim replied. ‘You?’

‘The Vengeance.’ Blamey replied. Jim shook his head at him.

‘You guys are crazy.’ He said and Ross was a little taken aback at what he at first thought was a fairly heated comment to make. Blamey surprised him by roaring with laughter.

‘You topsiders always say that.’ he said. ‘At least if we go down, we all go down together.’

‘Well, I’d rather have the chance to swim for it.’ Jim said and they both laughed. Then they realised the others were looking at them in confusion.

‘Submariner.’ Jim said by way of explanation and Ross and Verity looked at each other.

‘Destroyer.’ Blamey said to Avery who looked equally puzzled. ‘She’s a Type-45 D-Class, right?’

‘She is.’ Jim said as proudly as if he were talking about a family member. ‘And yours is a Vanguard?’

‘That’s correct.’ Blamey was smiling just as proudly. ‘She’s up at Clyde.’

‘So what the hell are you doing down here?’ Jim laughed.

‘Two weeks leave and cancelled holiday plans.’ Blamey replied. ‘I was supposed to be crewing with a couple of mates off Majorca, but they all came down with the bloody norovirus of all things.’ He shrugged. ‘Looks like it’s worked out well for me though.’ That statement was unmistakeably directed at Verity who beamed.

Carlisle, who was on the other side of Verity, grinned at Jay and Edgware, who were seated opposite them. She had no interest in relationships as far as she was concerned, having told Ross that she wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone regardless of gender, but certainly enjoyed spectating on those of others. Sensing a potential flirtation she leaned on one hand and batted her eyelashes at Blamey.

‘So Captain, if you’re dragging your heels kicking it about with Avery here, does that mean there’s no Mrs. Blamey?’ she asked pointedly.

‘You would be correct in your assumption.’ Blamey said, and Verity’s face took on a particularly interested expression.

Dinner turned out to be an awful lot of fun. Ross was having a wonderful time. The group of people they were sitting with meant they were all having a laugh and he was not being subjected to the overwhelming alcoholic assault that was routine at Jim’s functions. He was a good couple of drinks down though and that, along with the fact that no-one at all seemed even the slightest bit interested in the fact that he’d come with Jim, was making him a little more openly affectionate than he normally would be.

They were now on coffee and dessert and Ross had one arm surreptitiously wrapped around Jim’s waist and was not so surreptitiously nuzzling his ear. Jim was laughing and trying to push Ross off, although they both knew that he wasn’t trying very hard. Next to Ross, a bright eyed Verity had stepped up the pace and her and Blamey were flirting like mad. Avery had given up in the face of obvious defeat and was talking around Blamey to Edgeware about a pony he’d been to have a look at the week before. Carlisle and Jay were blatantly eavesdropping on the budding romance and interjecting every so often. It was all very nice, until a voice cut through the conversation and the hairs on the back of Ross’ neck went up as he recognised the tone. God knew, he’d heard it often enough before.

‘You see that, Lucinda.’ Howard’s voice was sharp and it carried. ‘It’s no wonder we lost today. And to a bunch of queers no less. It’s a sad fucking day.’

Ross felt Jim’s body tense up. He knew how Jim felt about discriminatory terms.

‘It’s okay.’ he murmured in Jim’s ear. ‘He’s just trying to get a rise out of us.’ Jim took a deep breath, and turned to Ross.

‘All right.’ he murmured back.

Fortunately, Avery seemed to have gotten his mojo back.

‘It’s your bloody fault we lost.’ he snapped. ‘You and your bloody dirty tactics. We’ve never needed to cheat or ride the other team into hospital to win.’

‘Well, maybe that’s the problem.’ Howard said with an arrogant curl of his lip. ‘Maybe Rowan should be cracking the whip. After all, you let two fags and a dyke beat you.’ Carlisle glared at him.

‘You lost because you’re a shitty player with a shitty attitude.’ she retorted. ‘And from what I saw, one of our ‘fags’ completely rode circles around you. And I’d happily be a dyke if it meant not having to open my legs for a wanker like you.’

‘Oh Christ, Cass.’ Edgeware said, face in hand. ‘Just bloody leave it.’ Next to him, Jay looked like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

‘Yes, leave it.’ Howard said. ‘Women have no place on the polo field anyway. You should know your place. Although I dare say you’d probably be more use that that limp-wristed fairy that used to play with me.’ Ross didn’t need to look to know that comment was directed at him. He could feel the weight of Howard’s dark eyes on him, but his focus was entirely on Jim. He could see the twitch at Jim’s jaw and knew he was biting back words. Like Carlisle, Jim was one to bite back. He did feel sorry for Bright though, and snuck enough of a glance to see she was chewing on her lip with a very unhappy look on her face.

‘Oh, fucking give over.’ Avery said. ‘If Ross is a fairy, then that makes me fucking Elton John. He’s as far from it as you could get. And you’re embarrassing us. Sit down and shut the bloody hell up.’

‘Don’t give me orders.’ Howard retorted. ‘And quite frankly, the whole reason the bloody Forces are a mess is because we’ve let them in. Time was they all got shipped off to the bloody Navy, which is the only place reprobates can cut it. All those men in a confined space. Just like your pretty blonde girlfriend, Poldark.’

That was it for Ross. He could take the jibes at himself but a swipe at Jim was a swipe too far. He took a deep breath to steel it and spoke without really thinking of the consequences of his actions.

‘Julian, this is where I would tell you to suck my cock.’ he said amiably. ‘But seeing as you’ve already done that, I’ll just tell you to fuck off.’ There was an audible gasp around the table and Ross felt a horrible sense of jubilation at the look of abject horror on Howard’s face. Next to him Bright’s face was a picture of confusion and Ross wondered just what Howard had told her about them. He looked at him, and Howard’s eyes were burning. He looked absolutely livid.

‘What the fuck did you just say?’ he hissed at Ross. Down the table, Avery was almost falling off his chair in surprise. Ross decided in for a penny, in for a pound.

‘Funny, you don’t seemed to have mentioned that to your team-mates.’ he said to Howard. ‘Or to the unfortunate Lieutenant you’ve managed to con into your bed.’ Bright seemed to realise he was talking about her and went red. ‘Funny how fucking your junior players seems to be a pattern with you.’ He addressed the next words to Bright. ‘You’re lucky. I was a subaltern when Howard decided he wanted to fuck me.’

‘Right.’ Howard said. ‘We’ll see how fucking quick you are to shoot your mouth off when I have you up for insubordination.’

‘Do it.’ Ross hissed. ‘And I’ll have some very interesting things to tell the training committee.’ He was getting angry now, and suddenly realised that Jim had a hand on his arm. He looked at him and saw that Jim was looking at Howard with cool blue-green eyes. And that freaked him out more than anything else would.

‘I need some air.’ Jim said, and the iciness of his quiet words cut through everything that had just gone on. Everyone watched as he stood up, and walked off. Ross watched him go, and then glared at Howard.

‘You prick.’ he said. ‘You’ve always got to fuck things up don’t you?’ He got up, not bothering to push his chair in and went after Jim.

He found him outside the door to the mess hall and instantly knew it wasn’t just Jim going to cool off. He’d cadged a cigarette off a pair of soldiers standing outside and was drawing on it furiously, blowing the smoke into the night air. Ross gave it a pointed look. Then he looked at Jim. Jim heaved a sigh and offered it to him. Ross hesitated and then took it from him. He considered just crushing it under his boot heel but then took a drag and handed it back.

‘Christ, I am so sorry.’ he said. ‘I told you not to rise and then go and do that exact thing.’

‘What I don’t understand is how you were even fucking with him in the first place.’ Jim said. he raised the cigarette to his lips and Ross noticed his hands were shaking. ‘He’s just fucking evil, Ross.’

‘I know.’ Ross said. ‘Look, come back in and we’ll make our excuses and go. Everyone can come back to ours, okay?’ He held out a hand. ‘Please, Jim.’

‘You go in.’ Jim said. ‘I can’t.’ There was a catch in his voice which Ross knew most would interpret as trepidation. Only he knew that it was quite the opposite and that, right now, if he put Howard and Jim in the same room again, there was a distinct possibility that Howard would end up getting seriously hurt. Sellar had told him some of what the SBS team had taught Jim before they’d sent him into Nicaragua and it wasn’t pleasant. And Jim’s iron clad control wore thin a lot quicker these days.

‘All right.’ he said. ‘Stay here.’ Then he went inside.

He walked into a minefield.

Carlisle and Edgeware and Avery were on one side of the PMC and VPMC and Howard and Bright were on the other. Between them were Jay and Verity and Blamey. There was a rather serious argument on the go.

‘Thank God, Ross.’ Verity said coming to him. ‘It all kicked off after you left. Is Jim all right?’

‘He’s cooling off outside.’ Ross said. ‘What the hell is this?’

‘There were words exchanged and there were not particularly complimentary.’ Blamey said.

‘Enough!’ the word cut through the raised voices and Ross saw that the PMC had both hands up. ‘You’re all expelled.’

‘Just as well.’ Howard sneered. ‘I wouldn’t want to be hosted by a regiment that tolerates perverts.’

‘OUT!’ the PMC all but shouted and Howard turned on his heel and stormed off towards the bar, Bright hot on his heels. Then he turned to the others. ‘I’m sorry but you all know the rules.’

‘We do.’ Carlise said. ‘We apologise for the disruption, sir.’

‘Very well, Captain.’ The PMC said. ‘We will discuss your punishment and inform you all forthwith.’ He fixed them all with a stern look. ‘Now out you go.’

They waited for Verity and Carlisle to get their handbags from the table and headed out the room as a group. Thankfully when they got into the bar, Howard and Bright were nowhere to be seen.

‘Bloody hell.’ Avery said. ‘I am so fucking sorry about this.’ They went through the bar and outside. There they found Jim talking to Becca and Litchfield who’d shown up horribly late.

‘That utter bastard!’ Litchfield was saying. ‘Bloody hell.’

‘It’s all right.’ Becca said. ‘Save you a fine for being late.’ She looked at them. ‘What do you say we all barrel round to ours?’

‘I think ours will be better.’ Ross said, crossing over to Jim and taking his hand. He gave him a worried look, knowing that he needed to get Jim home. He was jittery and tense and he’d only calm down once he was back in his familiar surroundings.

‘All right then.’ Litchfield said. ‘We’ve got a babysitter for overnight so that’s all sorted. To the Batmobile!’

They all piled into the Litchfield people carrier (a necessity with five children). Avery and Blamey stood at the door, and Blamey kissed Verity’s hand.

‘It was an absolute pleasure.’ he said, smiling. ‘I wonder if it would be an imposition to call you the next time I’m down in Cornwall.’

‘Not at all, Drew.’ Verity said. ‘I very much hope you will.’ They exchanged smiles and then Blamey closed the door and stepped back. Verity waved at him through the window as Litchfield pulled out of the parking lot and headed for the south coast.

In the back seat, behind Jay and Edgeware, Ross put his arm around Jim and kissed his temple.

‘You okay, babe?’ he whispered and Jim leaned into him.

‘I will be when we get home.’ he replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PMC - Mess President  
> VPMC - Vice Mess President


	5. Meltdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone shows up at the cottage. Not good.

Home.

It was a place where he and Jim could shut the door and pretend it was just the two of them.

It wasn’t that Ross was anti-social, or that he wanted to keep others out. He loved having Rose over and right now he was so very grateful that Verity was here. He could hear her bustling around in the kitchen, making more tea.

He shifted position, drawing the tartan blanket from the sofa around him even closer, shivering in spite of the fact that it was going to be a gorgeous summer morning, the sun already starting to come up even though it was only going on for four am. He stuck his nose in it. It was one from Rose and Jim liked to wrap himself up in it while he watched TV. It had his smell all over it.

Ross heaved a sigh and looked at the phone in his hand. It would do no good to call Jim again. He’d switched his phone off ages ago. He leaned his head against the door frame, sitting on the front step where he’d set up his vigil ages ago. The others had long since left, leaving just him and Verity to wait it out.

‘Ross?’ Verity’s voice was gentle and when he looked up she was standing behind him, mug of tea in her hand. She looked exhausted, but then she’d spent at least two hours driving around looking for Jim. Her dark hair hung loose around her face and she was in jeans and a t-shirt. She padded to him on bare feet and handed him the tea. ‘Maybe we should go sit inside.’

‘No.’ he replied, accepting it from her with a wan smile. ‘I want to be here when he gets home.’

**********

_Four hours earlier._

They had gotten to the cottage and ended up in the back garden. Ross and Jim had gone upstairs and got changed, while Verity did the same next door. Hangers were loaned out so Mess jackets could be carefully hung up in the spare room cupboard.

He was now in the kitchen, helping Becca make their second batch of punch, the first having not touched sides really and he could hear the ribald laughter outside as the very powerful effects were kicking in. He himself was feeling none too steady on his feet. He watched as Becca upended a bottle of vodka into the plastic bucket she’d bought along the last time and gestured for him to hand her the last two cans of fruit cocktail she’d brought with her.

‘Do you just carry this shit in car in case of spontaneous parties?’ he asked and Becca laughed.

‘Forearmed is forewarned.’ She grinned and then frowned. ‘No, that’s not right, is it?’ She shrugged. ‘I learned how to make this at uni and it’s never let me down yet.’

‘That’s not the issue.’ Ross said, peering over her shoulder into the murky depths of the punch. ‘The last time is what bothers me. I swear I had a hangover for five days after drinking your concoction.’

‘It’s good for you.’ Becca protested. ‘Full of vitamin C.’ Their eyes met and they both laughed. Verity came into the kitchen and found them more or less doubled over.

‘Fire’s lit and Freddie has already fallen on his arse.’ she announced. ‘How the hell did you end up with such a klutz, Becca?’

‘I think we actually met over a glass of wine he spilt all over my tits.’ Becca said thoughtfully. ‘But then I was just as tiddled at the time so who the fuck knows?’

‘Ah, yes. Love at first sight.’ Verity laughed.

‘Speaking of.’ Becca said with a wicked smile on her face. ‘You and the dashing Captain Blamey seemed to be getting on very well from what Cass said in the car.’ Verity blushed and looked at Ross, who held up his hands.

‘Not a chance.’ he laughed. ‘You’re on your own for this one. And to be fair, Vee, the amount of flirting you were doing was probably illegal.’

‘He’s nice.’ Verity protested. ‘And funny. I like funny.’

‘Funny is always good.’ Becca confirmed. ‘Freddie laughed me into bed.’

‘I thought he spilt wine on your tits?’ Ross asked her with a raised eyebrow and she threw a dish cloth at him.

‘Yes, he did. But this was a good five hours later.’ she retorted and Ross and Verity exchanged a look. ‘And you can fuck off Ross. It’s not like you and Jim didn’t fuck on the first night.’

‘Really?’ Verity asked and looked at him. Ross wanted to fall through the floor. He’d only told his family a highly edited version of how he and Jim met. And by highly edited, he’d left out the sex bit.

‘Didn’t you know?’ Becca laughed. ‘Ross chased Jim through a nightclub, then snogged him and dragged him back to his hotel room. And from what I heard it didn’t take five hours either.’

‘Oh my God, you absolute slut.’ Verity snorted. ‘Your parents would be appalled.’

‘My parents can go fuck themselves.’ Ross said belligerently. ‘I swear I am going to tell you people nothing in future.’ Becca gave the punch a final stir then hefted it and carried it out the kitchen still laughing at him. Ross was about to follow her, when Verity caught his arm.

‘Is Jim all right?’ she asked. ‘He seems a little tense.’

‘He’s fine, just edgy about what Howard said.’ Ross replied. ‘He’s very protective.’

‘Well, that I know.’ she said. ‘But he doesn’t seem like himself, Ross.’

‘He’s probably just tired.’ Ross said, hoping to throw her off. ‘And honestly tonight was a bit of an ordeal for all of us.’

‘You never told me about him.’ Verity said and Ross saw a look of concern in her dark eyes, almost the match of his own. Poldark eyes.

‘I know.’ he said. ‘I didn’t tell anyone.’

‘What he did…’ she trailed off. ‘Look, I don’t know how to ask this but…’ she looked at him helplessly. ‘Was it…?’

‘Not in the regular sense, no.’ Ross replied, knowing what she was trying to say. ‘But I was young and stupid and I agreed to things I definitely shouldn’t have.’ He sighed. ‘It’s not something I ever wanted people to know about.’

‘You could have talked to me.’ Verity said, and now her mouth was flat and her face unhappy. ‘I hate to think of you going through something like that by yourself.’

‘It’s not anything that you could have helped me with, Vee.’ Ross said, going over to her and putting his hands on her shoulders. ‘I didn’t even know what it meant myself. I was still trying to convince myself that I wasn’t gay at that point.’

‘It’s so unfair.’ Verity said, and she sounded a little angry. ‘You had to do this all by yourself. And I suspected. I should have said something.’

‘And if you had I would have probably denied everything and shut you out.’ Ross said. ‘I was very good at doing that.’

‘But not anymore?’ she looked at him pleadingly and he smiled and pulled her into his arms.

‘Not anymore.’ he said, and she tightened her arms around him. ‘Not now that I have him.’ He let her go and saw that her eyes were shiny. ‘Now, I am better. Now I know how to ask for help if I need it. And to trust that I will get it. To trust other people.’ He smiled at her. ‘He’s looking after me, Vee. So well.’

‘I can see that.’ she said, and even though her smile was watery it was also full of relief. ‘It kind of makes me a little nauseous to see how loved up you two are.’

‘Well, who knows?’ Ross said. ‘You may have just found your own sailor to look after you tonight.’ Verity blushed again and he put his arm around her shoulders. ‘Now, come on. Let’s go make some bad life decisions and get even more wasted on Becca’s punch.’

They went out the back of the kitchen and into the garden. A random collection of assorted garden chairs were scattered around, and the rest of the crowd were draped in various poses of relaxation. With one notable exception. Ross frowned as he scanned the garden for Jim and didn’t see him. Edgeware caught him looking and pointed to the end of the garden.

‘He went down there.’ he said, and accepted a cup of punch from Becca. ‘I sincerely hope this is as good as the last time, old girl. Jay and I were hallucinating for days afterwards.’

Ross left them all huddled around the chiminea and went in search of Jim. He found him right at the bottom of the garden where the well was. There was a break in the treeline here and he was sitting on the grass of the bank that sloped down to the footpath below, staring across the fields. He had a beer in one hand and he was perfectly still. Ross went and sat next to him, edging in so they were pressed up against each other.

‘You okay?’ he asked and Jim sighed softly.

‘Not really.’ He replied and it tugged at Ross’ heart. ‘I am getting worse.’

‘You don’t know that.’ Ross said. He was terrified by the cold certainty of Jim’s words.

‘I wanted to fucking kill him.’ Jim said, taking a sip of his beer. ‘Just get hold of him and snap his neck.’ He looked at Ross. ‘You can’t tell me that’s fucking normal.’

‘No, it’s not.’ Ross conceded. ‘What has Dr Grey said?’

‘That it takes time. That I’ll be fine once I start to let myself feel like I can let go again.’ Jim replied. ‘But I know myself, Ross. This is not going away.’

‘You spent the last two months before this living in a situation where you had to be on guard all the time.’ Ross said. ‘Of course you’re not going to be able to just turn it off overnight.’

‘I know.’ Jim said and he sounded tired. ‘I just don’t want to let things get away from me.’ He rubbed his eyes with his free hand. ‘Maybe I just need to sleep.’

‘I could go crash in the spare room with Vee if that will help.’ Ross said. He knew how bad Jim’s insomnia had been since he’d gotten back.

‘God, no.’ Jim gave him a smile. ‘If anything I should go sleep downstairs. I’m the one keeping you awake.’

‘You don’t.’ Ross said truthfully. If he was honest, he actually felt bad for how easily he could drop off. ‘And I miss you when you’re not in the bed. At least when you’re away I can deal with that. But knowing you’re in the same house just doesn’t work for me I’m afraid.’ He kept his tone light, hoping to brush off the actual concern he was currently feeling.

‘I’m sorry.’ Jim said, and he leaned over, chin on Ross’ shoulder. ‘I’m kind of a mess right now.’ Ross kissed his temple and stuck his nose in Jim’s hair.

‘You never have to apologise to me. Ever.’ he said, voice dropping. ‘Christ, after what you went through with me I would be the world’s biggest hypocrite to say anything about what you had to deal with.’ Jim lifted his head and Ross leaned across the short distance, kissing him. ‘You know you once said that you didn’t care what it looked like.’ He reached up and brushed the ring around Jim’s neck with his fingertips. Jim still wore it whenever he wasn’t in uniform. ‘That you cared that you had it at all.’ Their eyes met. ‘It’s the same for me. I get it now. I am just so grateful that you came home. That you’re here with me now.’ Jim gave him a half smile then reached for the back of his head and the kiss this time was deeper, making them both a little breathless.

‘What the fuck are we going to do with the two of us?’ Jim asked when they separated, his voice shaking ever so slightly.

‘Stay inside and tell everyone else to fuck off.’ Ross replied, smiling at him. ‘Except your mother.’

‘And your cousin.’ Jim replied.

‘And your friends.’ Ross was grinning in earnest now, as he heard the playful note come back into Jim’s voice.

‘And your friends.’ Jim put his hand on Ross’ face. ‘Christ, I love you so damn much it fucking hurts.’ Ross felt his heart skip, and was about to reply when they heard someone behind them. It was Litchfield and the warm sense of happiness that Ross had felt evaporated as he took in his expression.

‘I am so sorry.’ he said. ‘I don’t even know how the fuck they knew where you lived.’ Ross frowned at him, confused.

‘What are you on about, Freddie?’ he asked and Litchfield looked back over his shoulder.

‘Howard and Bright are here.’ he said. ‘And Howard’s fucking kicking off in your kitchen about you and Jim and …’ He trailed off. ‘He’s drunk.’ Those words made Ross feel like his stomach was about to fall out through his feet.

‘Shit.’ He got up, brushing twigs and grass from his jeans. ‘What the fuck is he even doing here?’

‘I honestly don’t know.’ Litchfield said. ‘Unless someone else at the dinner told him where you live.’

‘Honestly we’re probably not that hard to find.’ Jim said. ‘Stop at the pub and ask for the two gay guys.’ He sighed heavily and got up. Ross stepped into his space, hand to his chest.

‘No.’ he said. ‘You stay here. I’ll handle this.’ Jim gave him an intent look.

‘You sure?’ he asked. ‘You don’t want me there?’

‘I don’t.’ Ross said. ‘This is my problem. I’ll sort it.’ He felt like he was about to be sick, but he took a deep breath and the feeling abated. ‘I should have sorted it a long time ago.’ He took Jim’s hand, squeezing it. ‘I’ll be fine. You stay out here.’ Then he turned and followed Litchfield back up towards the house.

He could hear Howard shouting as they went up the garden, and Ross realised that while he had been in the kitchen before he certainly wasn’t now. As they approached the area where everyone was sitting, Ross could see that they were all on their feet. And in the middle of them was Howard, looking completely enraged. Bright was next to him, but Ross noted that she looked like she really would rather be anywhere else than where she currently was.

Verity was in front of Howard, her Poldark eyes flashing angrily, not giving an inch in the face of his fury and Ross felt a wash of pride at his feisty cousin. Even though Howard topped her by a head, she appeared to be not the slightest bit intimidated.

‘Why don’t you and your bit on the side fuck right off!’ Ross heard her snap as he got closer.

‘Sounds like a marvellous idea.’ Edgeware drawled. He and Jay were at Verity’s back. ‘You certainly weren’t invited.’

‘I’ll go when that bastard pays for what he said!’ Howard spat. ‘Do you know how many people overheard him and are now asking questions? People who know my fucking wife. Not to mention you bloody lot.’

‘Oh that’s rich.’ Carlisle snarled from where she was standing with a bristling Becca. ‘You fucking start a fight, but don’t like it when someone else finishes it.’

‘There were senior officers from my fucking regiment there, you stupid bitch.’ Howard snapped. ‘And I wasn’t the one flaunting my blond fucktoy at a fucking regimental dinner, which no-one wanted to fucking see by the way.’

‘Oh my God!’ Jay started laughing. ‘Are you seriously saying that? You were there with your fucking mistress! Or does she not count because she has a vagina?’ He gave Edgeware a look of complete disbelief.

‘Excuse me!’ Bright butted in, now also getting into the action. ‘I am not his mistress. And for your information he isn’t…’

‘Isn’t what?’ Ross broke in as they got to them. He was livid, the words ‘blond fucktoy’ bouncing around in his head like a pinball. ‘Isn’t fucking her? Because that’s the exact same line he fed me, along with how we could be together after he finally left her, but that it was complicated because she funded his polo. And then he turned up with her at a match and she was seven months pregnant. So that kind of blew the sham marriage argument out of the water.’ He stopped in front of them and drew himself up. ‘You motherfucker. You come to my house and have a go at my friends and insult my boyfriend, all over the fact that your dirty little secret may be out.’

He looked at Bright. ‘Everything he’ll ever tell you is a lie. He’ll say he loves you and promise you the world and all you’ll ever get in return is more lies and the chance to keep his bed warm when his wife can’t be fucking bothered.’ He shook his head and looked her in the eye. ‘You’re better than that. We were all better than that. And you can bet that you weren’t the first, and I very much doubt you’ll be the last. He’s a fucking predator, Bright, and the quicker you get shot of him the better.’ By the time he was finished, Ross’ heart was pounding and he felt utterly exhilarated. He could see the uncertainty on Bright’s face and she turned to look at Howard as if seeing him for the first time. Ross took a step towards her. ‘Believe me, I know. I’ve been right where you are now and it’s not a fucking pleasant place to be.’ He looked at her and she looked back, blue eyes fearful and bright.

In hindsight he should have been looking at Howard.

The hit came out of nowhere, catching Ross in the mouth. There was a flash of pain and the coppery taste of blood as the impact of Howard’s fist registered. Unfortunately, Ross was a little on the drunk side and stepped back to get his balance before falling very ungracefully on his arse on the grass. And that was all it took apparently to encourage an irate Howard to jump on him.

Ross was no stranger to fights, but he would hardly call himself a veteran. He’d had a couple of scuffles at school, and one or two more serious ones in the army. But he was completely unprepared for Howard trying to simultaneously choke him and pummel him at the same time.  
He managed to get a few hits of his own in and then there was a sound like a Charms going off, and the weight suddenly lifted as Jim picked Howard off him and threw him half-way across the lawn.

‘Fuck me!’ Litchfield said. He and the others had been rather slow to react, all being victims of Becca’s fruit punch as well. Ross stared in amazement at Howard who was crumpled in a heap about ten feet from him and then back at his boyfriend who was kneeling down next to him, hand on Ross’ shoulder, and breathing rather heavily from his exertion. He stared at Ross in what could only be described as a mixture of extreme concern for his well-being and absolute rage at what Howard had done. Then Ross felt the warmth on his face and lifted one hand to his mouth, staring at his hand when it came away red. His eyes met Jim’s and Ross felt a cold fear take hold of him as Jim’s eyes grew murderous. He’d never seen him look so angry in the three years they had known each other. In fact, he hadn’t even been aware that Jim had the capacity for that much rage inside him.

He watched as his normally mild mannered boyfriend got to his feet and walked over to Howard, who was now on his feet, and punched him square in the face. Howard went down again.

‘You motherfucking bastard!’ Jim roared at him, the sheer volume of his voice making everyone jump. ‘I will fucking kill you!’ he reached down, getting Howard by the collar and dragged him to his feet. Howard, somewhat disoriented from the throw and the subsequent hit, struggled a little and then Jim had him up against the wall of the cottage, forearm across his throat. He held him there, and the others, finally spurred to action, managed to haul Ross to his feet. He watched as both Litchfield and Edgeware tried to pull Jim off of Howard. He could have told them that Jim was far stronger than he looked.

Ross swayed a little as he stood. Verity came out of the back door with a dishcloth and handed it to him to staunch the bleeding from his split lip and teeth. Ross noticed that the whole front of his t-shirt was blood soaked and that it was dripping from his chin as well from where it was running down his face.

‘Jim.’ he called. ‘It’s okay, I’m fine.’ Jim didn’t reply and Litchfield gave Ross a desperate look.

‘A little help here!’ he said and Ross suddenly realised that the situation was a lot more serious than he’d thought. ‘He’s fucking killing him, Ross!’ Ross stumbled over and saw that Howard had gone an unhealthy shade of purple. He got to them and saw that Jim really was choking the life out of him, slowly but surely. Bright was now screaming and tugging on Jim’s shoulder from the other side but she wasn’t having any luck either.

‘Fucking shut her up.’ Becca said, and Carlisle stepped in and wrestled her away. Ross looked back at Verity who had gone white. Then he stepped up to Jim and out his hand on the elbow of the arm currently across Howard’s windpipe.

‘Jim.’ he said, and Jim shivered under his hand like a nervous horse. ‘Babe. Come on. You have to let go.’

‘He fucking made you bleed, Ross.’ Jim’s voice was flat, the fury barely concealed. ‘He put his fucking hands on you.’

‘I know, but I’m okay.’ Ross said. He gently pulled on the arm and felt Jim ease up just a tiny bit. ‘It’s just a split lip.’ He tugged again, starting to get a little desperate. ‘Please, babe. You’re hurting him.’ He couldn’t bring himself to look at Howard’s face, the eyes bugging out slightly from the pressure. He kept his focus completely on Jim, and then Jim looked at him it took all of Ross’ composure (or what was left of it) not to step away in fright at the icy disregard in Jim’s eyes for the man he was currently choking nearly to death. ‘Please.’ The last word came out pleading and then it was like the ice broke and the humanity came flooding back into the blue-green eyes.

Jim took one deep breath and then suddenly seemed to snap back into himself, a look of alarm flashing across his face. He let Howard go abruptly, and stepped back with his hands up. He looked at Ross as Bright and Litchfield rushed forward to catch Howard who took a massive choking breath before he started coughing convulsively.

Ross was appalled by what he was looking at. The desperation in Jim’s eyes was almost overwhelming as he turned and looked at Howard and realised what he’d done. Ross wanted to catch him in his arms and hold him, but even as he stepped forward to do that, Jim warded him off with one hand.

‘No.’ he said. ‘Sort him out. I need to cool off.’ Then he turned and headed back down the garden into the darkness, leaving Ross to watch him go.

‘Ross.’ Verity said. He turned and realised that he was still holding the dish cloth she had given him. He looked at Howard, who’d been wrestled into one of the garden chairs. ‘We need to get you inside and have a look at your mouth. It’s still bleeding. You may well need stitches.’ Ross gave the darkness one last look and then let her guide him inside and through to the kitchen. Once there, she made him sit in a chair and handed him a glass of cold water and salt. ‘Rinse it out and I’ll have a look at it.’

Ross took the glass from her and took a mouthful of icy cold salty water. He swirled it around and then got up to go spit it down the drain. He grimaced at the streaks of red that went with it, and then Verity was next to him.

‘Hold still.’ She said and peered at his mouth, tilting his head back in her hands and then holding his upper lip back to check his teeth, making him snort with laughter in spite of the seriousness of the situation.

‘I’m not a fucking horse, Vee.’ he said and she let out a shaky breath.

‘Bloody hell.’ she said and their eyes met.

‘Bloody fucking hell.’ he countered, pressing the dish towel to his lip. ‘I hope he’s okay?’

‘He’s fine.’ Carlisle said, coming into the kitchen. ‘More’s the fucking pity.’

‘Not Julian.’ Ross said, taking another gulp of salt water and swirling and spitting. ‘I don’t give a fuck about him. I was talking about Jim.’

‘He hasn’t come back up.’ Carlisle said. She came over to Ross and peered at him. ‘You take a punch pretty well, Poldark.’

‘Thank you.’ he said, muffled by the dish cloth. ‘But I’d rather not take any at all, if it’s all the same thanks.’

‘Yeah, well that wanker is all over the place right now. We’ve convinced Bright to take him the fuck home. Luke and Jay are helping him get to the car. We wisely decided that they should go around the garage.’

‘Good thinking.’ Verity said.

‘I’m going to go look for Jim.’ Ross said. He took the dish cloth away, noting that the bleeding had pretty much stopped. He chucked the dish cloth in the sink and went to the back door. Outside the garden was now empty and he headed back down to the border between their garden and the woods to look for Jim.

In the kitchen, Verity went to the window and peered out. She could see Jay and Edgeware, with the others in support, herding Howard and Bright back to his car. Carlisle came and leaned on the window sill next to her.

‘What a fucking night.’ she sighed. ‘Jesus, Jim has a fucking temper like there’s no fucking tomorrow. I really thought Howard was done for a second or two.’

‘I know.’ Verity said, still watching as Edgeware manhandled Howard into the passenger seat and shut the door. There was a flash of light as Bright switched on the headlights and then the sound of the car stating. ‘Although I have to say, I was a little freaked out by how angry he got. I get that he’s protective of Ross but…’ she trailed off and looked at Carlisle, who was clearly biting the inside of her cheek. ‘Cass?’

‘I’m sorry.’ Cass said. ‘I guess I’m a little freaked out as well.’ She blew out a sigh and leaned against the sink as they watched Bright reverse out the driveway, turn and then disappear down the road. The sound of the front door opening heralded the arrival of the other four. Litchfield and Becca came into the kitchen, followed by Jay and Edgeware a few minutes later.

‘Fucking hell.’ Litchfield said. ‘Remind me to never piss Jim off.’

‘Was it bad?’ Verity asked, and he and the others shared a look.

‘Howard’s going to have one hell of a black eye tomorrow.’ Edgeware said.

‘Not to mention he looks like the Boston Strangler had a serious go at him.’ Jay added. ‘The bruises are already coming up.’

‘Fuck, that is so bad.’ Carlisle said. ‘Jesus, like this isn’t already fucked up. He could get Jim on assault charges and then have him discharged for this.’

‘I know.’ Litchfield said. ‘We can just hope that he doesn’t.’

‘What are the odds of that happening?’ Edgeware said. ‘Christ, if he tracked us all the way down here just to have a go at Ross, for something that obviously happened a very long time ago, then he’s pretty much capable of trying to nail Jim.’

‘I’m still lost.’ Litchfield said. ‘What the fuck happened at the dinner?’

‘Ross and Howard had a fling.’ Verity said. She didn’t want it to sound any more sordid than it obviously was. ‘He was very young and Howard strung him along and it didn’t end amicably.’

Thankfully the others seemed to accept this.

‘So this was while Ross was at Sandhurst?’ Litchfield said and Verity nodded. ‘Jesus, that would make him…’

‘Twenty-one.’ she replied.

‘So he was just a baby.’ Becca said. ‘That fucking wanker.’

‘Where is Ross anyway?’ Jay asked, and they looked at Verity.

‘He’s gone to look for Jim.’ she said.  
That was when they heard the sound.

**********

Ross scouted around the bottom of the garden getting more and more concerned. He couldn’t find Jim and wondered if Jim and he had somehow missed each other in the dark. He called him a couple of times but got no answer, so he started to head back to the cottage.

As he got halfway up the garden, he saw Verity coming towards him at speed, a look of absolute worry on her face.

‘Oh, thank God. There you are.’ she said. Ross frowned.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked and she looked so unhappy that he felt a lurch in his stomach.

‘Jim’s gone.’ she said.

‘What do you mean gone?’ Ross asked. A horrible little feeling set up camp in his chest and the lurch in his stomach turned sickening. ‘He was in the garden.’

‘He’s left.’ Verity explained. ‘We were in the kitchen and then we heard his bike and when we got outside, he’d already left. We just saw his lights and then he was gone.’ She ran to keep up with him as he took off up the lawn. He got to house, flinging himself through the door and into the kitchen, then out the hall to the front garden where the others were assembled.

‘Fuck, we’re so sorry.’ Becca said, her face white in the light from the garage light. ‘We didn’t even know he was up here. Freddie and I can go after him.’

‘No you can’t.’ Ross said. ‘Neither can I. We’ve all been drinking. He was the only one who was remotely sober.’ He ran both hands through his hair in frustration. ‘Fuck!’

‘Well, where would he go?’ Carlisle asked. ‘It’s bloody one o’clock in the morning.’

‘Anywhere.’ Litchfield said. ‘It’s a Saturday night. Loads of places will be open.’

‘Yeah, but nothing around here.’ Ross said, going into the hall. His blood ran cold when he saw that Jim’s helmet and biking jacket were still in situ. ‘Fuck.’ Verity came up next to him.

‘He’s probably gone for ride to cool down. That’s what he said he needed to do.’ She said, hand on his arm. ‘Ross, Jim’s the most sensible person I know. He’s not going to do anything stupid.’

‘I’m not so sure about that.’ Ross said. He felt nauseous with worry. ‘A few hours ago I would have said that Jim would never lose it like that.’ He put his thumb in his mouth, wincing slightly as he hit his split lip, and chewed the nail. He went to the front door and out into the garden, noticing the open garage door.

‘Look, I’m sure he won’t be gone long.’ Litchfield said from the front door. ‘Come back in and we can wait him out.’

‘No.’ Ross said, sitting down on the front door step. ‘I’m waiting for him here.’

*********

That was where he was still sitting. Verity had retreated into house once more after delivering his tea, and left Ross to sit and stare at the empty drive. He was startled when his phone rang and he answered it immediately, not having to check to know who it was.

‘Is he back?’ Rose’s voice was worn and tired. Ross had called her a little after two when Jim hadn’t returned up after an hour and she had soothed him and comforted him and assured him that Jim would be back, that sometimes the world just got too much for him and he had to retreat from it for a while. But when she called back at three and Jim wasn’t home yet, Ross had heard the worry creep into her voice and hated himself for telling her.

‘No.’ he said. ‘Do you think I should call the police? See if there’s been any accidents?’ The very thought of Jim being hurt and not being able to get to him made Ross want to cry.

‘I’m sure they would have contacted you already if there had been.’ she said. ‘Even if he left everything behind, they would pick his details up from his licence plate.’

‘All right.’ Ross said. He leaned his head against the door frame. ‘I’m scared, Rose. He’s never done this before.’

‘I know, duckie.’ she replied. ‘But our boy is very sensible and even if he was angry he wouldn’t use that as an excuse to be reckless.’ She didn’t need to add the _at least I hope not_. Ross could hear it in her voice. She knew as well as he did that Jim had come back different, a little wrong.

‘I just want him back.’ he said, his voice dropping to a near whisper.

‘Call me here if he gets in in the next hour.’ Rose said. ‘Otherwise I’ll be at the pub. I can’t sit around and do nothing. It will drive me crazy.’ There was the sound of a soft sigh. ‘He’ll come back Ross. He always does.’

‘I hope so.’ Ross said. ‘Anyway it’s getting light so, I think I’m going to go out and look for him. I’ve pretty much sobered up.’

‘Try the beaches.’ Rose said. ‘He always goes there when he’s upset.’

‘I will.’ Ross said. ‘I’ll call you as soon as I find him.’

‘All right, Ross.’ Rose said. ‘I’ll speak to you soon.’ She disconnected the call and Ross got up. He stretched to work the kinks out of his spine and went inside to go put his shoes on and grab his car keys.

‘What are you doing?’ Verity asked from the doorway.

‘I’m going to go look for him.’ Ross said.

‘I’ve already been everywhere you told me. Several times.’ she said and he nodded.

‘I know.’ he said ‘But I can’t sit here anymore. And Harry will be coming off watch in an hour so I’ll rope him in as well.’ He had deliberately not called the girls. Firstly they were aboard on watch and would be of no help and secondly he really didn’t want to worry anyone else.

Ross went into the living room, retrieving his converse from next to the sofa where he habitually left them. He sat down and lost himself for a moment in what had happened, a traitorous little voice in the back of his head saying that this must have been what it was like for Jim when he had gone incommunicado, only so much worse. He started to put his shoes on when suddenly he heard a familiar sound that made his ears prick up. Then in a flash he was on his feet and heading out the living room, down the hall and into the front garden.

Jim was still on his bike. He switched off the engine and then got off. Ross was torn between wanting to scream at him in anger at making him worry and run over and squeeze the breath out of him. Instead he walked over and then he noticed that Jim was not in the same condition that he’d left in.

Ross took in the livid purple bruise on Jim’s left cheekbone, the torn knuckles of both hands and, when Jim finally lifted his head to look at him, the split lip that was almost a twin to his own.

‘Jesus Christ.’ he breathed. ‘Jim…’ He stopped at the utterly disconsolate look on Jim’s face.

‘I’m sorry.’ Jim broke in. ‘I just…’ he didn’t get any further as Ross stepped forward and threw both arms around him, feeling Jim wince slightly as he crushed him.

‘I don’t care.’ Ross said into his hair. ‘You’re home.’ He held on tightly, feeling relief wash over him in great waves. After a moment he felt Jim’s hands come up and take hold of his t-shirt and then the hug was being returned just as fiercely.

They stood there for what seemed like forever, then Ross let him go and looked at him carefully.

‘Did you fall off?’ he asked and Jim gave him a crooked smile.

‘Not exactly.’ he replied.

‘Then how…’ It hit Ross like a ton of bricks. ‘Jesus, were you in a fight?’

‘Let’s just say that the anger management thing may not be working so well.’ Jim said and he kept his eyes down, refusing to look at Ross. ‘Are you angry with me?’ These last words were spoken in a small voice. Ross reached for Jim’s face, taking it in both hands and making him look at him.

‘No.’ he said. Then he let Jim’s face go and took his hand instead. ‘Come on. Let’s get you fixed up.’

He led Jim inside and Jim followed as meekly as a child. They went into the kitchen and Ross noticed that Verity had made herself scarce.

‘Sit.’ he said, and Jim went obediently to one of the kitchen chairs, while Ross dug under the sink for the first aid kit they kept there. He went to the cupboard, getting glass bowl and filling it with water from the recently boiled kettle, before washing his hands at the sink. He put the bowl and the first aid kit on the table and looked his patient over. He realised that Jim’s cheek was cut as well as bruised. It made his heart ache so badly that it felt like he was the one hurt for a second, then he pushed it away and briskly started to attend to Jim’s injuries.

Ross opened the first aid kit and dug out a pack of gauze pads, sterile wipes and some butterfly stitches. He ripped a pad open with his teeth and dipped it in the boiled water then turned his attention to the cut on Jim’s cheek. Thankfully it was towards the ear side, but it was an inch or so long and gummed closed with dried blood. Ross looked at it closely and then realised that Jim was looking at him. Their eyes met and there was something that went between them, which Ross didn’t quite understand. Then he took Jim’s chin in his hand and tilted his head back and to the side to get a better look.

‘This is probably going to hurt.’ he said.

‘Doesn’t it always?’ Jim said quietly and Ross felt his pulse jump. It hurt so much to see the pain etched on Jim’s face and not be able to stop it. He started to clean the cut, dirt and dried blood coming off as he swept the gauze over Jim’s cheek. He hit a scabbed bit and Jim drew in a sharp breath.

‘I’m sorry. I’ll try be more gentle.’ he said.

‘It doesn’t matter if you’re not.’ Jim replied. His voice was flat and Ross stopped what he was doing and looked at him.

‘What the fuck is that supposed to mean?’ he asked, his anguish making him defensive.

‘Nothing.’ Jim sighed heavily and looked away from him. ‘It’s just it’s kind of self-inflicted.’

‘And that means what exactly?’ Ross bridled. He knew he shouldn’t be reacting like he was but he couldn’t help it. ‘That I can’t take care of you?’

‘It means you shouldn’t have to take care of me.’ Jim said and his voice sounded broken. ‘That’s not how this works.’

‘Bullshit.’ Ross snapped. ‘You take care of me. I take care of you. That’s how this fucking works.’ He adjusted his hold on Jim’s chin. ‘Now let me fucking do this please.’ Jim fell silent and Ross went back to cleaning. He got all the dried blood and dirt out from the cut and re-examined it. Then he looked at Jim’s hands, the knuckles swollen and bruised, more cuts across them. He reached for one hand, but Jim pulled it away. He got up from the chair and went to the sink, switching on the water. Ross glared at him but he didn’t turn around.

‘I’ll do this.’ he said. ‘You should go to bed.’

‘And I think you should sit back down and let me do that.’ Ross said. He could hear the anger in his own voice, but he couldn’t stifle it.

‘I’m fine, Ross.’ Jim said. ‘Go to bed.’

‘No.’ he replied and saw how Jim’s shoulders tightened. He half turned and Ross caught a flash of angry blue-green eyes.

‘I don’t need you to do this.’ he said. ‘I can do it.’ Then he turned around, completely dismissing him. It made Ross irrationally angry.

‘You walk in here looking like a fucking extra from Fight Club.’ he said getting up. ‘And then you tell me that I shouldn’t be concerned? Where the fuck do you get off saying that?’

‘Ross…’ Jim started but Ross couldn’t hold it in.

‘No!’ he shouted. ‘I don’t want to fucking hear it! Just shut the fuck up and let me fucking help you!’ Jim jumped like a startled deer at the vehemence of his voice, eyes wide as he turned to look at him. Their eyes met and Ross pointed at the chair. ‘Now sit your fucking arse down and let me finish what I started!’ He wasn’t sure he was even talking about the injuries anymore and he could tell from Jim’s face that Jim knew.

Ross waited for the next outburst, but then Jim turned back and switched off the water and then walked back to the chair and sat down. Ross did the same, took a deep and started work on his hands. It was slow going. Jim had bits of what looked like tar embedded in the cuts and Ross was desperate to know what had happened, but he bit his tongue. He did one hand and then the other, making sure they were clean. Jim watched him, completely silent. Then Ross looked at him again.

‘I’m going to leave your mouth like that.’ he said. ‘I don’t want to open it up again.’ He started packing up the first aid kit and then Jim reached out and put his hand on Ross’ face. Ross stopped instantly and they looked at each other. He felt Jim’s thumb gently trace just below his lower lip.

‘I’m pretty sure committed relationships aren’t supposed to come with matching split lips.’ He said and Ross felt an overwhelming sense of relief at the caustic tone. Jim being sarcastic meant he was going to be okay.

He got up and held out his hand. Jim stared at it for a moment and then took it. He let Ross pull him to his feet and lead him from the kitchen and up the stairs. Ross herded Jim up in front of him, hand at the small of Jim’s back, letting the touch anchor them both.

They got to their room, and Ross closed the door behind them. Then he went forward and wrapped his arms around Jim. He felt Jim resist for a second and then his arms went around Ross’ neck. They held onto each other, and Ross buried his face in the crook of Jim’s shoulder.

‘I love you.’ he said, and now he could let himself feel and if he started crying into Jim’s shoulder, then it was only the two of them who would know. ‘Please don’t ever do that again.’ He heard his voice crack and held on tighter. ‘Please don’t ever leave again. I can’t take it.’ There was a catch in Jim’s breathing and Ross felt him start to shake.

‘I won’t.’ he replied. ‘I am so sorry. I won’t do it again.’ He kissed Ross’ shoulder, one hand coming up to stroke his hair. His voice was rough with emotion and Ross could hear that he was also crying. ‘I’m just so fucked up right now.’ Ross pulled back and looked at him.

‘Then we get through it together.’ he said. ‘You and me. We’ve been through shit before. We can handle this.’ He sniffled, and Jim gave him a teary smile and reached up to wipe the wetness from his face.

‘I love you.’ he said and Ross smiled back at him, still overwrought but now seeing the end in sight.

*********

They crashed out, completely emotionally and physically drained. Ross had more or less bullied Jim into the shower and he came out afterwards in his Asterix pyjama bottoms and a white t-shirt, damp blond hair sticking up and looking about fifteen. Ross coated the cuts on his hands in spray-on plaster and put a couple of butterfly stitches which he’d bought up from the kitchen on the cut on his face.

He had called Rose while Jim was in the shower and the relief in her voice was palpable. Then he’d gone downstairs and wheeled the Storm into the garage and locked everything up. When he’d come back inside, he’d found Verity sitting at the top of the stairs like they’d done when they were little. They had exchanged looks and then she’d smiled at him and gone back to her room. Then he’d gone in and found Jim coming out of the bathroom. Ross had done the last bit of tending to his injuries and then gone to shower himself. By the time he came out, Jim was asleep on his side with one hand tucked under his pillow and the other tucked under his chin.

And now Ross was in bed, lying pressed up behind Jim’s back as close as he could get. He had one arm around Jim’s waist, holding him in place, and was breathing in his smell, so familiar and comforting. The sun was thankfully blocked out by the heavy curtains and Ross could just lie there, drifting off the sound of Jim’s steady breathing.


	6. Happy Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me and you and you and me  
> No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be  
> The only one for me is you  
> And you for me  
> So happy together
> 
> Apologies to The Turtles (no, not those ones)

The sound of banging woke Ross from a dead sleep. He groaned as his body complained, the bruises from his fall from Bathsheba the previous day having manifested sometime between him getting drunk on Becca’s punch and waking up with a pounding in his head. Disoriented, he scrabbled for his phone and checked the time. It was just after three and Ross realised that he and Jim had pretty much slept the entire day away. He took a moment to also check the text from Verity that told him that she was leaving him and Jim to sleep and heading home, and then another one four hours later that said she had arrived safely. Next to him Jim was still asleep which told Ross just how wiped out he still was. Ross fell back down next to him and concentrated, and the sound came into focus. He got up, wondering who the hell was hammering on his door on a Saturday afternoon, before stumbling from the room and down the stairs, still half-asleep.

When Ross got to the door, the relentless pounding was starting to give him a headache and he felt particularly ratty.

‘All right, I’m coming.’ he called as he got there and unlocked it. ‘What the bloody hell…’ He fell silent when he saw who it was.

Ross’ first thought was that, as bad as Jim had looked when he got back, Howard looked a whole lot worse. He was sporting a magnificent black eye where Jim had connected with him, and his throat was a collection of mottled bruises. He was dressed in his uniform still, and the stench of alcohol was coming off him in waves. His normally immaculate hair was a mess and his dark eyes were burning with anger. Ross looked past him to the car behind his own and noticed that Howard hadn’t even closed the door.

‘Fuck.’ It was all Ross could think of to say. Then he recovered himself. ‘What the fuck are you doing here?’

‘Well, seeing that going home right now would incur a considerable number of questions and the wrath of my wife, I thought I would come by and tell you just how fucked you and your blond bimbo are.’ Howard said, his voice like ice. ‘I hope you like the idea of sharing because Christ knows how his gorgeous little arse is going to stay out of prison once I go to the police and press charges of assault and grievous bodily harm.’ His smile was cruel and it sickened Ross just to see it. ‘Not to mention the fact that the Navy will boot him out so fast he won’t even hit the ground.’

Howard looked triumphant and Ross knew that he should be feeling anything but confrontational right at that moment, and not too many years ago he wouldn’t have been. He’d have just curled in on himself and walked away from the fight. But instead it was a like a fire was being lit inside him, and he felt insanely strong as he realised what he needed to do.

‘Do it.’ he said, voice perfectly calm, and inwardly smiled in delight at the look of confusion on Howard’s face. Howard recovered quickly, however, and sneered at him.

‘Please.’ he said. ‘Like you’d let anything happen to him. I’ve seen how stupid you are over him.’

‘What the fuck are you even talking about, Julian?’ Ross asked. He was the one who was now confused. Then slowly two and two came together and he realised something. ‘Jesus Christ.’ Ross was so taken aback he started laughing. ‘Have you been fucking stalking me or something?’ It was meant as a joke but the thunderous look on Howard’s face told Ross something he really hadn’t wanted to know. ‘Fuck. That’s how you knew where we lived?’

‘He must be pretty special if you’ve shacked up with him.’ Howard said and Ross was thrown by the bitterness in his voice.

‘I don’t understand.’ he said. ‘This doesn’t make any sense.’

‘You left me.’ Howard said, his voice absolutely poisonous. ‘You thought you could just walk away from me.’

‘What?’ Ross was astonished. ‘You’re the one who made it very clear that you were never going to leave her. Jesus, she was fucking pregnant. What the fuck did you expect me to do?’

‘What you were told.’ Howard snapped. ‘What I wanted you to do.’

‘Oh fuck off.’ Ross bit back. ‘I wasn’t about to hang around to be her fucking poor substitute. And so fucking what? This was years ago. And according to you I was the one who was supposed to never get over you, remember?’ The last bit was meant as a sarcastic joke, but the moment he said the words Ross saw the truth in front of him. ‘Oh, bloody fucking hell. Don’t even pull that shit with me.’

‘You’re right. I won’t.’ Howard said. ‘But you’ll rue the day you walked away from me, Ross. I am going to bring you two so far down over this that when it’s done you’ll be nothing.’

‘No fucking chance.’ Ross spat. ‘And I would be very careful about what my next move was if I were you.’ He had known it might come to this, but after the little bombshell Howard had just dropped on him, he knew that it had to be shut down. ‘If you even think about pressing charges against Jim, he’s not the only one that will end up inside.’

‘Oh, really?’ Howard said. ‘And just how the fuck are you going to achieve that?’ He still had a look of arrogant self-righteousness on his face, despite the injuries. Ross stepped down from the step towards him, putting every scrap of authority he had into his bearing. He’d done this so many times before on patrols, using his presence to intimidate an enemy combatant into submission. It was something he’d only learned on his first deployment though and it was something Howard had never seen.

Howard was taken aback at the sight of Ross straightening up and stepping into his space. He tried to shuffle back but it was too late. Ross grabbed him by the lapels and held him there, his face inches from Howard’s.

‘First I’m going to go to the MP’s commission and report you for rape.’ He hissed in Howard’s face. ‘And I don’t fancy your chances.’

‘Bollocks.’ Howard retorted, trying to squirm out of Ross’ hands. ‘It was bloody consensual, and you fucking know it.’

‘Was it?’ Ross asked, his voice flat. ‘Because I distinctly remember being extremely drunk that first night. Not only that but I also remember telling you to stop. Both of which you conveniently ignored.’

‘So what?’ Howard said. ‘You fucking wanted it.’

‘From my senior officer? The person directly in charge of my future in the army. Of course I did.’ Ross hissed. ‘What would have fucking happened to me if I had said no?’ For the first time, Howard’s arrogant smirk faltered.

‘It wasn’t like that.’ he said and Ross gave him a shake.

‘Maybe not, but I scream historic rape and I’ll bet there’s a ton of sub-alterns and lieutenants who’ll come crawling out of the wood work to back me up.’ he said. ‘I probably won’t have to look very far at all. Tell me Howard, where’s Bright? She finally realise just what a bastard you are?’

‘You wouldn’t.’ Howard sneered. ‘You’d be taking yourself down as well.’

‘Bollocks I would.’ Ross said. ‘A decorated army captain with three tours behind him versus some soft-footed training officer who fucks his subordinates to get his kicks? Who do you think they’ll believe?’ He had Howard where he wanted him now and started to walk him back towards his car, holding him up when Howard stumbled. ‘And that will just be the beginning. I will fucking ruin everything you have. I’ll wreck your reputation and break up your marriage . And believe me, there’s no way in hell a convicted rapist will have any kind of visitation rights with his kids.’

It was this last thing that made Howard break. Ross saw not just fear, but abject terror on his face when he said it. He dropped his voice, making it low and threatening. ‘Imagine what it will be like for them, Julian. Knowing they have a father who’s not only a convicted sex-offender but who likes boys to fuck him in the arse.’ He stared into Howard’s eyes. ‘You’re done, Jules. You have no hold over me anymore. And you stand to lose so much more than I do. Now get back in your car and fuck off. If I even so much as hear from you again, Jim will break your fucking neck and drop you off a boat somewhere. And what’s more, I’ll let him do it.’ He threw Howard away from him the last little bit, hard enough for Howard to fall back against his car door. ‘Now get the fuck off my property.’

Howard stared at him, completely deflated by what Ross had just said. Then he scrambled around the other side and into his car, not even looking back as he started it and reversed out the drive at speed. Ross folded his arms and watched him go, his heart beating to hard it felt like it was going to break out of his chest. He waited until the sound of Howard’s car had died away before turning. As he did so, he looked up and saw Jim standing in the window of their bedroom watching him.

They looked at each other and then Ross took off for the front door. He slammed it shut behind him and bounded down the hall and up the stairs. When he got to their bedroom, he found Jim still looking down out the window. He stood in their doorway and looked at Jim’s back, the tension now there in spades.

‘Ross Poldark, that was a spectacularly stupid thing to do.’ he said, and Ross snorted.

‘I know.’ he replied. ‘But if you’re waiting for me to say I’m sorry, I’m not.’

‘He could really fuck us up, Ross.’ Jim said. He folded his arms. ‘I couldn’t live with myself if you…’ He stopped and bowed his head. ‘Christ, you are so stupidly noble it drives me fucking crazy some times.’ He turned and his face was kaleidoscope of feelings, each one fighting to show itself. ‘Why the fuck did you do that?’

‘Like you said before.’ Ross replied. ‘You told me that no-one gets to hurt me on your watch. What the fuck makes you think it would be any different for me?’ He moved into the room, folding his own arms defensively. ‘You might be the one who’s looked after me this whole time but it doesn’t mean I can’t fight for you like you do for me. And quite frankly, I think I’m a little bit better at it.’ Jim turned around and looked at him, eyebrow raised and Ross glared back at him. ‘So you can fuck off too, because I’m not going to take any of it back and I will fucking take down anyone who tries to hurt you.’ He waited, expecting Jim to say something or at least bollock him a bit more for being an idiot. Instead he got a look that made his heart start beating even faster than it already was.

It took four steps for Jim to get to him and less than ten seconds for him to throw himself into Ross’ arms, mouth colliding with his and opening the cuts up so that Ross got a burst of copper on his tongue and a flash of pain as Jim kissed him. It was intense, both of them throwing themselves into it and when they finally broke apart there was blood on their mouths. Ross expected Jim to relent and be his normal careful self, but there was a wild look in his blue-green eyes and he grabbed Ross by the t-shirt, pulling him back in and kissing him just as hard as the first time. The taste of their blood in his mouth and the desperate strength in Jim’s grip sent arousal surging through Ross like wildfire, and he kissed back fervently, all teeth and tongues, until Jim pulled him with him over onto the bed.

They landed heavily and then ended up sliding off onto the floor, neither of them wanting to stop. Jim climbed on top, breaking away to yank his t-shirt over his head and fall back down into Ross again. His hands were on Ross’ t-shirt shoving it up and roaming across his body and Ross let his head fall back and arched up into Jim’s hands. Jim let him up for a second, his pupils huge as he stared down into Ross’ eyes.

‘Fuck me.’ he panted. ‘Now, Ross. Fuck me.’ Ross lost all control of himself at that, the need on Jim’s face and in his voice carrying him away. He flipped them, straddling Jim’s thighs and pulling off his own t-shirt, then getting hold of the waistband of Jim’s pants. A single hysterical thought went through his head that he really shouldn’t be getting ready to fuck someone wearing pants with children’s cartoons all over them, and then he hauled them off of him. Jim facilitated, lifting his hips so Ross could get them off and when Ross chucked them aside he saw that Jim was already hard. His breathing quickened exponentially as his body responded in kind and he got rid of his own pants. Jim laughed as he fell over onto him, then grabbed for Ross’ hand and wrapped it around his cock, moaning loudly as Ross took the very obvious hint and started moving it fast enough to make Jim keen. He leaned back down over him, shoving his tongue back into Jim’s mouth and Jim reached up, fingers knotting in Ross hair as he pulled him down on top of him, their arms and legs tangling.

‘I love you.’ he breathed as their mouths separated.

‘Even when I’m in bloody stupid alpha male mode.’ Ross panted back, thrusting down into him as best he could. Jim laughed and it was as if all the drama from the last twenty-four hours had never happened.

‘Especially when you’re in bloody stupid alpha male mode.’ he replied, pushing up into Ross. ‘It makes me want to lie back and let you fuck me until I can’t walk.’

‘Typical.’ Ross laughed back. ‘Make me do all the heavy lifting.’ He pushed Jim’s hair out of his eyes and looked at him, their breathing slowing and synchronising. ‘I love you so much, and if it came down to it I would even help you get rid of the body.’ Too late he realised what he’d said and started to apologise, but Jim leaned up and kissed him and Ross forgot all about everything that had been plaguing them and melted back into him.

They shifted to lie side by side, and Jim caught hold of Ross’ hand. He brought it to his mouth, licking along Ross’ fore and middle fingers before taking them in his mouth. Ross watched, completely entranced, and moaned as Jim used his tongue on him.

‘Fuck.’ he breathed. ‘You drive me crazy when you do that.’ Jim let them go, a line of saliva still connecting them and then moved Ross hand to where he wanted it.

‘Put them in me.’ he breathed and Ross frowned a little.

‘Shouldn’t we..’ he started but then Jim pushed and they went in, the resistance from the lack of lubrication making them drag a little. Jim caught his breath, eyes closing and Ross’ first instinct was to pull back. But Jim held his hand in place and pushed down against him, and Ross’ fingers went in to the knuckles.

‘No.’ Jim breathed, his voice cracking. ‘I want it to hurt. I want to feel you.’ He moved and Ross pushed up to meet him. ‘Jesus, that’s so good…’ His eyes were wide now, the blue almost gone and Ross started a slow rhythm of push and not quite pull. Jim moved with him, draping one leg over Ross’ hip to give him access. He hung onto Ross with one arm as Ross worked, his breathing hitching and stuttering until Ross could take no more.

‘Bed.’ he declared, pulling his fingers out. ‘Neither of us are in any shape to fuck on the floor.’ His joints and bruises were protesting, a mottled collection of blue and purple along his shoulder and side and Jim was not any better off, having his own collection scattered along his left side. Ross slid one hand along them and looked down at him. ‘Are you ever going to tell me?

‘No.’ Jim replied. ‘I’m not. Can you live with that?’ Their eyes locked and Ross saw nothing there he needed to be worried about. Jim’s eyes were deep and calm, the pupils beautifully dilated.

‘I can.’ he said. Then he reached for him, gathering Jim into his arms enough to pull him up so they could both scramble to their feet. They moved back onto the bed together, Jim lying back down and Ross straddling him, one hand above Jim’s head as he leaned down, his other hand going back down to press his fingers back inside. They watched each other and then Jim grabbed the pillow in both hands, his eyes closing as he arched up into Ross’ grip, his hand going to Ross’ forearm, fingers digging in

‘Oh God, yes…’ he moaned. He opened his eyes and Ross almost lost it looking at the unadulterated heat in Jim’s eyes. ‘I love it when you are like this.’ He spread his legs and smiled, the dimples flashing to life. ‘I love it when you fuck me like I belong only to you.’

‘That’s because you do.’ Ross replied, a wave of possessiveness going through him and making him shake a little. ‘Just like I belong to you.’ He twisted his fingers and Jim bit his lip, catching the cry before it left him. Ross felt ridiculously confident at that moment, knowing he’d just chased Howard away and now seeing how much that made Jim want him. ‘And anyone that tries to get between us is going to be fucking lucky to get away with his bollocks still attached.’ Jim started laughing when he said that and reached up with both hands.

‘Come here.’ he said, voice husky and demanding. ‘Come here and fuck me, baby.’ Ross smiled back at him, moving forward on his knees to dig for the lube in the drawer before getting back into position. He barely managed to get any on his fingers before Jim had him by the wrist, guiding his hand down and into him. Ross went with it, his hand moving easily now and he dragged his fingertips over Jim’s prostate and Jim keened loudly, his grip on Ross’ wrist tightening. ‘More.’ he breathed, and Ross lay down over him. Their bodies fit together so perfectly, a pattern worn in by time and familiarity.

They lay like that, Jim’s leg back over Ross’ hip and Ross had a flashback to a darkened hotel room with a man he’d just met lying under him and making the most intoxicating sounds he’d ever heard. He felt a surge of love so powerful it was almost physical and he worked his hand faster, desperate to make Jim make those noises again. Jim lay underneath him, panting with his gorgeous eyes wide and staring into him like they could see all the way down to the bottom of Ross’ soul.

‘You and me.’ he said and Jim frowned ever so slightly, making him even more beautiful. ‘Only us.’ Then he leaned down and they kissed, softly now on their battered mouths and it tasted like home and love and everything Ross would or could ever want. He felt Jim start to shake as he traced the split in his lip with his tongue and pressed in. Jim opened his mouth to him and they kissed deeper and deeper until Ross felt like he was lost forever, carried away on a tide of blue-green water into a place where everything was light and sunshine and Jim. He didn’t resist as Jim pulled his hand away from him, only moved so they were aligned and pushed inside, moving slowly and letting the sensations overwhelm him as Jim’s body opened up to take him in. Ross moaned and looked back down, watching as he pulled out and then thrust back in.

‘You like that.’ Jim murmured and Ross looked up at him. ‘You like watching yourself go inside me.’ Ross nodded and looked down again, the slide in and out hypnotic.

‘I do.’ he replied. ‘It’s like we’re one person when we do this.’ He felt Jim’s hands on his neck and looked to see Jim smiling at him.

‘With me.’ he said and pulled Ross down so he had to balance on his elbows. Jim kept them aligned, their faces only an inch apart and hiked his legs up on Ross’ hips. It tilted his body so Ross drove all the way in as far as he could go on the next thrust and arched back.

‘God…’ Ross said and his voice was broken as Jim bore down on him, making it unbearably good.

‘That’s it, baby.’ Jim panted. ‘All the way in. I want you as deep as you can go.’ He whined as Ross pulled out and drove in on the angle again. Ross got some leverage and snapped his hips forward and the whine turned into a deep exhalation of sound, utterly helpless and lost in the way Ross was making him feel. ‘Your cock feels so good inside me.’ Ross’ control broke with those words and he started to drive hard and fast, letting the tight heat of Jim’s body wash away everything else. He buried his face in Jim’s neck and held onto him, his whole body shaking uncontrollably as he fucked him, all his love and pain and desire finding refuge in Jim’s broken cries and the way he reached under Ross’ arms to rake his nails down Ross’ back, legs tightening around him and his breath hot on Ross’ face.

This was more than fucking and they both knew it. This was _together_ and _us_ and _forever_ all distilled down to a single moment. This was love and it was all that they would ever need. And when Jim came it was with him staring into Ross’ eyes, the look of amazement and wonder driving Ross over the edge with him.

*********

Later Ross took the grilled cheese sandwiches he’d made them into the living room, two cans of cola balanced in one hand and the plates in the other. He looked at Jim sitting on the sofa, feet tucked up under him like a child. He was back in his pyjama pants and t-shirt and had the tartan blanket wrapped around him. His blond hair was still a mess and he reached out with both hands to take the sandwich from Ross, before giving him a hopeful look.

Ross smiled and handed him the bar of chocolate he had tucked in the back of his sweats. Jim smiled back and for the first time since he’d gotten back Ross felt like everything was going to be okay. He sat down on his side of the sofa and Jim chucked the blanket over both of them, their legs tangling together.

‘So what are we watching.’ he asked through a mouthful of sandwich.

‘Breakfast at Tiffanys.’ Jim replied. Ross gave him a raised eyebrow but Jim studiously ignored him. They ate in silence watching the film roll out and then Jim took a deep breath.

‘Us right?’ he asked and Ross stopped eating and looked at him. Jim’s eyes were fixed on him.

‘Yup.’ he replied. ‘You and me.’ He took another bite of sandwich. ‘For fucking ever.’ Jim laughed softly.

‘Forever’s a long time.’ he said and Ross gave him a dig with his foot.

‘You and me.’ he said insistently. ‘Forever, babe. Like Laurel and Hardy.’ Jim smiled.

‘Butch and Sundance.’ he said. Ross grinned.

‘Batman and Robin.’ he countered and Jim burst out laughing.

‘I love you.’ he said and his blue-green eyes were shining happily. Ross gave him another prod with his foot, knowing his own smile was equally smitten.

‘I love you back.’ he replied.


End file.
